The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 3.7 – Gangsta rap made me do it

22 Comments

0

Oookay, so I am really sorry. It’s been around 3 weeks since my last update and I distinctly remember making vague promises hinting that I would try and get this update done in less than two weeks. LOOKS LIKE I LIED AGAIN AHAHAHA. I would make a fantastic politician. Look at me getting 2edgy4u.
You know, I really want to say that the next update will be on time. But with GTA V on the horizon…it cannae be, laddie. Well actually, considering my husband and I share the 360 I doubt I’ll be getting much time on GTA considering he has turned into a rabid horse champing at the bit for the release. So I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time for the ol’ sim sim simaroos.
OH. So are any of you excited for the new world announced for Sims 3? I think it looks really great. I’m debating on whether or not to move the Darrochs over there once it comes out. Plus we’ll FINALLY have some kind of Open for Business feature!
Oh, also I better issue a warning for this chapter. I somehow became even more vulgar than usual. If you have a problem with that then you can fuck right off.

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Anyway, I caught Laura and Connor meeting up with Albert of all people. With the kids. Albert. Children. Albert. Children. Alb- yeah, I think you get it. I am anything but subtle.
I put a stop to it immediately considering I would like this legacy to continue and that wont happen if Albert decides he wants to make his idea of a car upholstered entirely in human baby flesh a reality. 

4

A family that shits together, stays together.
Hopfrog: “Hey, did you guys hear the one about the toilet?”
Merlin: “Don’t fucking talk to me when I’m taking a dump oh my god.”
Hopfrog: “Never mind, it was too dirty.”
* ba-dum tish *
Merlin: “I’m going to murder you.”
Arthur: “lolpoop.”

5

Aw, such a heartwarming moment.
Lily: “Aight. Heard about you scoping some other chick’s ass like I wouldn’t find out.”
Patterns: “Lies! I have spent every waking moment grieving your passing!”
Lily: “Well just to be safe, I’mma haunt yo’ dick.”
I have no idea why Lily’s speaking abilities have gone downhill since she died. I guess the afterlife must be a very hip place.

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So apparently having a ghost enter your body through your urethra is a harrowing experience capable of making a grown man collapse into a dead faint. Who woulda’ thunk it?

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Lily did manage to stop haunting her husband’s balls for long enough to spend some time with her grieving mother. They chatted about some fairly mundane things, Laura complimented Lily on looking especially ghostly in the moonlight and then they spontaneously hugged.
It was actually quite sad. 😥

8

I have tried absolutely everything and I still cannot fix the glitch of Sophie’s eternal pregnancy. Someone suggested making her get pregnant again, but that isn’t going to happen because 4 children is definitely enough. Any more and I am going to throw my laptop out of the window.
Man with pigtails: “I’m going to ignore the artist behind me and instead think about the chemistry set I owned as a young boy. Ahhh…”
Lady who resembles a strawberry: “This flower offends me.”

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That…is actually pretty epic. Sophie has now maxed out her street art skill. Unfortunately she has neglected her logic skill as well as forgetting to take part in regular chess tournaments. So it is unlikely she’ll finish her lifetime want before she turns into an elder. The same goes for Dorian actually. But that is more to do with the fact that I got bored of sending him to the same holiday destination 3794392 times in a row.

010

Merlin: “Ugh, give me your blocks. I need to finish making my scepter of destruction and general evil doing.”
Hopfrog: “I’LL FOOKIN’ BURN YE.”
Merlin: “Yeah, yeah, give them here.”
Scáthach: “If you talk to my sister like that again I’ll BURST YE.”
Merlin: “Scáthach yer pushing me over the fookin’ line.”
Scáthach: “No I’m not.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mQaIMYIvYU

10

Arthur decided that he couldn’t take any more of his siblings arguing over plastic blocks of nothing and decided to nope the hell out of that situation by prematurely aging up. He rolled the never nude trait. So now he is insane, loves the heat and can never ever be naked no matter what.
Alright then.

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He’s been influenced quite heavily by the locals of Dragonland (I have honestly forgotten the name of this place) and has adopted a vaguely medieval look in order to fit in with his peers.
Arthur: “Now I can finally make friends! Everyone wants to befriend a king! * dribbles *”
AHAHA YEAH RIGHT YOU INSANE LOSER.

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Arthur: “Behold, loyal subjects! I am now fit to rule you!”
That is a cake. It doesn’t resemble a human no matter what kind of drugs you are currently taking.
Arthur: “Quarter ounce of crack. What of it?”

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Merlin: “YEEEHAAAW MOTHERLICKERS!”
Unsurprisingly, Merlin had the most dramatic ascent into childhood. It is said that everyone within a 60 mile radius came down with temporary blindness.

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Merlin: “I must blend in with the villagers, all the better to lull them into a false sense of security before I…before I…”
He hasn’t quite mastered the art of being a supervillian yet. He rolled the inappropriate trait and absolutely nobody on earth was surprised by this turn of events.

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Hopfrog suddenly decided to start displaying her hidden ability to be adorable right before growing up into a child. >:{ The child stage is my least favourite because they all look EXACTLY THE SAME. I hate the pudding face curse.

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Hopfrog: “AM I BEAUTIFUL, MOTHER?”
Get the fuck into CAS right now. I ain’t gonna holla at yo’ weave gurl.

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Hopfrog: “I can see! Wow! People have pores! Yours are especially large, Merlin!”
Merlin: “It’s almost as if she doesn’t want to live.”
Hopfrog rolled the eccentric trait. These kids might just be the most interesting set we’ve had so far in this legacy. But I also know I’m going to feel like throwing stuff a lot.
I’LL FIGHT YOU IN THE CAR PARK.

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Hopfrog: “Why is this my outerwear?”
Because you are going to live up to your name, dammit! Now do something funny!”
Hopfrog: “Knock knock.”
Nope.

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Because frogs.
Hopfrog: * sobs bitterly *

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Last but not least, it was our warrior queens turn to age up into a child. I have my fingers and toes crossed for at least one ‘normal’ sim out of this bunch of complete and utter nutjobs.

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…She rolled the evil trait. So she is now an evil genius who loves to party and I want to scream oh my god.
On a more positive note, she seems to have completely accepted her Cuman side by dressing in the skin of her people. Alight then, Buffalo Bill. She also has a mighty awesome weave.
Hollaaaaaa!
Scáthach: “It puts the lotion on its skiiiiiiiiiiin…”

22

Connor: “Waaah! A mailbox! Lily loved mailboxes!”
I’m pretty certain she was actually rather apathetic about them.
Connor: “W-well, she used them! Waaaah!”

23

It’s birthday time again, because as we all know it just isn’t a legacy unless there is an endless supply of leftover cake in the fridge and everybody sweats cheap frosting.
I must say, Archer is a rather dapper old man. Desiree is still as pretty as ever, although I do wonder if she disapproves of the rotation system her father seems to have going with all the local women.

24

Archer: “Where the hotties at? *blows lady summoning device*”
Desiree: “I need therapy. Expensive therapy.”
Dorian: “Ooh, what shall I wish for? Ah, I know! I’ll wish for Albert to never show up at this house again. I’ll finally have an undisturbed nights sleep, no more tap-tapping on the window and creepy lullabies.”
Dude. You’ve seen some shit.

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Dorian: “…Yes. Yes I have. Mary had a little lamb…little lamb…little lamb. Mary had a…a…little lamb…its fleece was SOAKED WITH BLOOD. I HATE YOU ALBERT.”
…I think Dorian might also need some pricey therapy.

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Wow dude. You look like you just had the worse midlife crises in history. Are you going to start a hair metal band?
Dorian: “But now Albert will find me repulsive and leave me alone! I’m keeping it!”

27

WHOOPS SORRY. MY FINGERS WHICH JUST HAPPENED TO BE HOLDING A PAIR SCISSORS MUST HAVE SLIPPED.
On the plus side, don’t you just love your fabulous new outfit?
Dorian: “No. I loved those neon tiger stripes with a burning and unrivaled passion, you heartless bitch.”
Get with the times, loser.

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Aha. Look who heard all about Dorian’s gorgeous new outfit! The overwhelming and moist arousal is written all over Albert’s hideous gurning face.
Albert: ♫ “The love we’ll never make together
Is the most beautiful, the rarest, the most disconcerting
The purest, the headiest…” ♫
I suddenly feel like throwing up all over your head, Albert.

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OH LOOKIE HERE. Seems like Dorian wasn’t the only one having an incredibly unfashionable midlife crisis!

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♫You looking at the grand wizard, war lord vocal chord so vicious
And I don’t have to show riches to pull up pull off with some bad bitches
And it ain’t about chivalry
It’s about dope lyrics and delivery

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♫I can say what I want to say ain’t nothing to it gangsta rap made me do it
If I call you a nigga ain’t nothing to it gangsta rap made me do it
I can act like an animal ain’t nothing to it gangsta rap made me do it
If I eat you like a cannibal ain’t nothing to it gangsta rap made me do it

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Merlin: “Oh. Em. Gee. Did you get a look at Albert’s pants?! I can’t believe we’re related to someone with such hideous taste in attire! Ugh.”
Hopfrog: “Hey, did you hear the one about-“
Scáthach: “Your jokes are trash and so are his pants.”
Arthur: * blocked from the picture so who cares *

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Scáthach: “Shall we summon a demon for shits and giggles?”
Everyone: “lolkay”
Aaaand we’ll end the chapter there. Sorry if this one dragged a little, I am out of practice and also drinking wine so the quality of this post wasn’t exactly great.
Anyway, happy simming and hopefully the next update wont take me so long but we all know how that usually ends.
Thanks for reading!

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Author: janeeyreforce

eggshelldays.blogspot.co.uk

22 thoughts on “Chapter 3.7 – Gangsta rap made me do it

  1. Ahh, these kids are so awesome I could die! Seriously, though, I think they’d drive me crazy, too. So much going on with traits like that!

    It’s really freaking sad to see all the adults so sad about Lily’s passing. 😦 Especially the picture of her ghost hugging Laura… first time the Darroch’s have made me emotional in a non-insane sort of way. lol

    Fuckin’ Albert. I mean, honestly, what more is there to say?

    • Those traits are going to be the death of me. But it will be a good death.

      I know, right? I never thought the Darroch’s would make me emotional!

      Albert is the one true god. I think he needs his own spin-off story…

  2. I swear, everyone hates Albert but he’s, like, my favourite person in the world. I mean, who doesn’t like a guy who day dreams about children burning on crosses with a side serve of ugly pants and shit? He’s just pulling the ladies in. In his basement, that is.

    Awesome chapter!!!!

  3. Okay, so the kids this generation are the COOLEST. The cumans are still my faves though. Scáthach’s outfit, omg. ❤

    Good lord, how many blocks are on that table?? I'm pretty sure it never looks like such a disaster zone in my game.

    Your song lyrics and incremental zoom-ins just keep getting better and better. Also, I want Dorian's creeped-out face tattooed on my chest.

    I would be excited about the new world if I weren't such a broke-ass university student. If you move the Darrochs over there, I'll just have to appreciate it vicariously through your game. 😀

    • CUMANS FOREVER.

      I want Albert’s face tattooed on MY face. We can be tattoo buddies.

      Totally moving them over there. I am counting down the days to release! I am broke, and this is probably why.

  4. Oh man this was a good chapter! 😀 I’m so looking forward to the kids being true Darroch weirdos. Hopfrog is probably my favourite so far. 😀

    Albert is so creepy and amazing. I love how he just never seems to get the message to fuck off. His unfortunate pants are amazing.

    Traumatized Dorian is awesome. I think we’d all need to be in therapy if we had to deal with Albert on a regular basis 😛

    Hooray for a new chapter and hooray for drinking wine while working on a chapter! (I may be doing the same very shortly…)

  5. a warning for this chapter. I somehow became even more vulgar than usual. If you have a problem with that then you can fuck right off. <—– LAUGHING.MY.BUTT.OFF
    Okay now I can read the chapter. :p

  6. “because as we all know it just isn’t a legacy unless there is an endless supply of leftover cake in the fridge and everybody sweats cheap frosting.” This is so true, I hate birthday cakes because then all my sims ever want to eat is the freaking cake left overs. I have given up on it, and just let them have endless days of cake eating. It never goes bad! :O

    I love Scáthach (yes, I copy pasted her name) for some reason she reminds me of Albert. Ill be rooting for her in the future!!

    Great chapter as always my friend. ❤

    • I copy and paste her name all the time, too. She actually kinda reminds me of Lily, in terms of genes. I guess we’ll see when she is older if I’m right or not.

      I dunno who I’m rooting for yet. It’s still early days yet though, I never usually have a fave until they hit their teens.

  7. ZOMG Dorian what the hell are you wearing. *Snorts* LMFAO!!!

  8. God. I missed Albert after being AWOL.

    Also the kids are just awesome. Merry gang of assorted kiddies. Nice.

    HELL YES ALBERT NEEDS A SPINOFF #SPINOFFALBERT

  9. Hahaha, Arthur noping out of his sibling’s block party. Love it!

    And wow, all the kids are brilliant. You’re right, they all have interesting combinations of traits! So often all my kids get boring traits, but Dorian’s kids have excellent ones. And kudos on their outfits, also awesome.

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