The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 3.6 – Buttered angst



Ooh, look at that. I’ve gone all fancy and incorporated a title page. Bet you thought you’d never get any kind of class from this blog, huh? WELL YOU THOUGHT WRONG.
I really wanted to update this about a week ago but I was busy. Actually, I am telling fibs because I was not busy at all. I went on an anime kick despite not watching it for years and subsequently became addicted to Revolutionary Girl: Utena. Ahem. Sorry. I’m back on track now. In my defense is it a really awesome show with an incredibly catchy opening tune. Plus swordfights.
Anyway, last time we saw this bunch of useless asshats Dorian was not his usual fabulous self (but let me assure you he more than makes up for it during this chapter) and Sophie had just given birth to twins, one of which was the result of Connor’s latest experiment involving cucumber-human hybrid attempts.
Oh, and then the next day Sophie got knocked up again. Why do I submit myself to such torture?
Oh yeah! I’m really sorry for not responding to comments lately. I promise I will this time.


Luckily for Dorian he is surrounded by semi-responsible adults (at least compared to him) who aren’t keen on the idea of being surrounded by more idiots and have therefore taken the brunt of the ‘responsible’ child rearing for Dorian. All he has to do is cuddle the burritos whilst his elders clean up the shit.
Lily’s face says it all.
“I’m gonna use Dorian as fishing bait.”


Meanwhile, at the hospital…
Man: “I can’t beleive it! You’ve been cheating on me with not one, not two, but three other men?!”
Woman: “Can you blame me?! I’m so tired of your old balls and loose skin. I crave the hard ice cold touch of a real man. Plus those carrots can reach places you couldn’t even dream of!”
Moving on. Quickly.


The deafening cries of angry and hungry burritos became too much for everyone, so they did what any responsible carer would do and left the babies home alone in order to get completely wasted.
You’re pregnant, Sophie. I heard the jingle play after your last session of ‘how many limbs can we bend in ways they shouldn’t be bent’.
Sophie: “Ain’t give a damn. I’m the rodeo champion. Yeehaaw motherfuckers!”
Oh god. I don’t think I can take another litter of braindead Dorians.


Welcome to the most anti-social bar crawl ever.
Dorian: “I’m far too fabulous to be seen with these people. I’m going to sit at the far end of the bar and look like a total loner instead. Yeah!”


I hate you so much. Good for you, Sophie! I just love it when the legacy house is so packed full of sims that I can’t possibly keep any of their needs sated! God forbid you actually feed yourselves without being told to for once.
Sophie: “lol someone was standing near the fridge so I couldn’t open it.”
They were ten feet away.


Dorian decided to visit his older sister Noelle but she wasn’t home. However, her wife was.
Apparently this is what she gets up to when no one else is around.
Morrigan: “Our love is pure. We are one. Such is life.”
Dorian didn’t stick around for long.


Ding ding, round two!
Meet Hop-Frog, named after the jester in Edgar Allan Poe’s short story ‘Hop-Frog; Or, the Eight Chained Ourangoutangs‘. Give it a read, the character Hop-Frog dresses a bunch of dickheads up as orangutans and sets fire to them as a form of revenge. Awesome.
Hop-frog was born with the disciplined and eccentric traits. She loves pop music and much like her brother Merlin she prefers the colour purple. Her favourite food is tofu dog and her star sign is Aquarius.


* hyperventilates *
Uggggh. So this is Scáthach. Named after a figure in the Ulster Cycle of Irish mythology. She is a legendary Scottish warrior woman and martial arts teacher who trains the legendary Ulster hero Cú Chulainn in the arts of combat. I wonder if you can see where I’m going with generation 4 yet?
Scáthach takes after her brother Arthur and prefers the colour pink. She likes eating crepes and listening to Chinese music. Her star sign is Aries.
I have a feeling she’s going to be Connor’s (spell check wants me to change that to ‘Condor’) favourite great-grandchild, along with Merlin. I feel so sorry for them.


Connor, Laura and Dorian: “We hate you for giving birth, Sophie.”
The babies all get hungry at the same time, and they always seems to judge it perfectly so there is only one adult in the house. You end up with four screaming children and an adult (usually Dorian) having a mental breakdown due to the overwhelming amount of brain melting noise. So then no one gets fed because Dorian is too busy freaking out and ohmygod the kids are gonna get taken away due to neglect and why are my speakers bleeding.


Okay, so I have googled this glitch and I can’t seem to find anyone with the same problem. Sophie is not pregnant and yet she still looks as if she is. Bump, maternity clothes and all. Anyone know a fix for this? It’s pretty hilarious so I’m not totally bothered by it, but I’m still curious as to what might be causing it and I don’t want it happening to other sims later down the line.
Oh, also Sophie aged into an adult and I forgot to throw her a party. Whoops.


The baby burrito stage was driving the household further into the depths of insanity, and they weren’t exactly at the shallow end to begin with so I decided the best thing to do would be to age them all up together. However Sophie seemed intent on suffocating her firstborn with her massive fake-pregnancy boobs.
Dorian: “Infanticide is the best! * clapclapclap *”


Arthur grew up to be a clone of his mum, which I’m actually really pleased about because she has really interesting and almost cartoony facial features. Looks like he got Dorian’s eye and skin colour though, so at least he takes after his dad a little bit.


Merlin’s turn!
Connor: “Sophie, if you suffocate my beautiful cuman I will break your neck.


From what I can tell, Merlin is a good blend of both parents but it’s a little hard to tell when he’s constantly pulling Overlord 2013 facial expressions.
Merlin: “Gon’ fuck yo’ shit up.”


Albert: “Oh, young spawn of my beautiful cousin. Let me introduce you to the true horrors of this world. Look beneath the perfect exteriors of these families and you will find them crawling and infested with insects and rot.”
What the hell, dude.


Why are you so insanely angry about toast?
Laura: “My grilled cheese sandwich came out burned and I just know it had something to do with Patterns.”
He’s not even at home! He’s at work!
Laura: “He is responsible for everything that is wrong with the world. Also this butter is too cold and wont spread properly. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sing sad and angsty ballads about my lack of toast. I may even cry along to a hair metal song.”


Patterns: “Hey, I’m home. So I guess it’s time to set fire to one of my grandchildren, right? I’m really hungry.”


Hop-Frog has a weird blend of both of her parent’s skin colours, and seems to have inherited her grandfather’s green eyes. I love the genetics in this game at times. As for her facial structure, it’s kind of hard to say who she looks like the most. I suppose we wont know until she hits her teenage stage seeing as all the kids in this game have pudding face syndrome and look exactly the same as each other.
I love her smiley looking eyes, though. She definitely hasn’t inherited the stare of inner emptiness from Connor and Lily.


Patterns: “lol smell my pits loser.”
I don’t think Patterns is fond of cumans. What a racist.


I’m still not sure where Scáthach got her bright green skin, so I’m still convinced Connor had something to do with it. Anyway, she inherited Dorian’s hair and eye colour. In terms of facial structure she seems to take after her dad…kind of. Her chin is abnormally small, though. I’m hoping it will get bigger as she gets older.


Merlin: “You’re not allowed to play with us, Hop-Frog! You’re just a lowly jester whilst we are warriors, wizards and kings.”
Hop-Frog: “Let me play! Let me play!”
Merlin: “What are you going to do if we don’t?”
Hop-Frog: “I’ll cover you in tar and orange feathers. Then I’ll set fire to you and dance gleefully around your burning bodies.”


Sophie was was working on achieving her lifetime want of becoming a chess legend, and her next opponent turned out to be Augustine! She bought her baby along, too. Unfortunately I am an insufferable douchebag and didn’t care enough to write down his name. OH WELLY WELLINGTON.


Sophie: * grunts *
Augustine: “I’ve been practicing my chess moves on the computer, so I think I’m in with a chance of beating you.”
Sophie: * grunts *
Augustine: “Sooo…when is the baby due?”
Sophie: * flips chess table *
Augustine: “OKAY YOU WIN BYE”


Oh yeah, I changed Scáthach’s hairstyle to something a little more wild and practical (do those two words really belong in the same sentence?), as I felt that her original style wasn’t really befitting of a warrior.
Scáthach: “So Hop-Frog, what do you think of my new mane?”
Hop-Frog: “Totes rad, babes.”


This happened. 😥 Right in front of Merlin too, so I’m pretty sure he’s going to be really messed up.
Merlin: “I literally don’t give a shit.”
Having the first death three generations in meant I wasn’t exactly prepared for this. </3


Lily seemed to accept her fate rather gracefully. She was 91 days old, and had achieved her LTW a long time ago so she was pretty content by this point.


Laura on the other hand, did not exhibit grace whilst facing the death of her daughter. But who would? Also how does she manage to always be in her bikini whenever a major family event is taking place?!
Connor: “Omg! It’s death! ILY brah.”
Hello I am Connor and I have no emotions.


Okay, so this is actually really sad. 😥 I know he was only fainting because he has the cowardly trait and there was a ghost in the room, but at first I forgot about that and thought he was dying of a broken heart or something. Luckily, this was not the case and he woke up a few hours later and immediately started crying. D:


A rare shot of a Dorian in the wild. Here exhibiting his fabulous stance and cry of ‘Pay attention to meeeee!’.
You didn’t even have a high relationship with her!
Right then. I’ll let you get back to being the fluorescent attention whore that you are.
So ends this angst-tastic update! I’m sure the next one will be a little more cheerful, and hopefully wont be so delayed. But I say that every single time and then two weeks go by and I’m like ‘woahshit lol’.


True poetry.





Author: janeeyreforce

15 thoughts on “Chapter 3.6 – Buttered angst

  1. So. Freaking. Sad.

    Patterns has officially broken my heart.

  2. Lily noooooo! 😥 Her time seemed to come though. I can’t believe that this is the first death in the legacy, but I guess Laura and Connor would have gone had you not used the age freeze potion on them. At least she went out with a bang and a fantastic facial expression. And poor Patterns! I hate when Sims are heartbroken. 😦 Dorian’s grief, however, was fabulous.

    All of the kiddos are absolutely adorable, cuman or human. I predict a bunch of pretty Darrochs for this generation!

    Sad but great update!

  3. I stifle a snort every time I read the word “cuman.” They are freaking awesome. Merlin is my favourite though, so far. He looks badass.

    It took my eyes a second to adjust to the picture of Dorian “fainting.” It was like a giant nonsensical blob of magenta for a second. Whoa.

    Noooo Lily 😦 That caught me totally unawares because I’m not used to seeing deaths in your legacy. Stop it with the feels, Patterns. Seriously.

    Oh, and the way Sophie’s boots jut through her pant legs is beautiful.

    Great update!

    • Sophie’s boots make me cringe with sympathy pains every time I see her. I have no idea why that perma-pregnancy glitch happened but it is kind of brilliant. However, I hope it doesn’t become some kind of family curse.

  4. Bawhahahaha, is it bad of me to crack up in the middle of Lily’s ascend to the highs above? Is that, the way you described Pattern’s take on this was hilarious, and then Dorian…. cracked me up, and now I feel bad I laughed while Lily faced her death. She did it with grace as you said, she was happy.
    The kids are hilarious… Merlin is too funny.
    Albert = ❤
    BTW, did you named Dorian after Dorian Gray? I just realized that it rather fits him so well, as they are both divas. Although the other Dorian is more of an Albert and Diva combine character, but anyway… loved this update. 🙂

    OH.Oh.Oh… I just googled Dorian Gray and Stuart Townsend came up as having played the part, WHEN DID THIS HAPPENED WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE??

  5. Oh my gosh. Nooooooo. Lily. Fishmomma. Nooooooo. 😥

    This was beautifully written.


    On a lighter note, I am glad Albert is in everything. Because the Darrochs needed even more cray cray.

  7. Awww, Oh, no, Lily, not you! :’-( And it was so fitting that Patterns should have the coward trait, him passing out just felt soooo natural LOL

    That last pic literally broke my heart :’-(

  8. Aww Lily! *Sobs* Poor Patterns. Is it wrong I kind of laughed?

  9. Wow, four kids and you got a matched pair of fave colours? I’m jealous. Pink and purple go together nicely, too. Try figuring out how to combine aqua and lime without burning your eyeballs.

    All the kids are cute! I love how they all look so different – legacy genetics FTW! You even got 4 different skin tones! Scáthach’s lack of chin is kind of scary, though.

    Pattern’s grief was the most heartbreaking ever. Who cares if the game mechanics say different, he was totally fainting/dying of a broken heart!

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