The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 3.4 – Carry on creeping

6 Comments

Welcome back to the Darroch legacy, where horrible nightmares involving phallic objects are never far away! Sorry, sorry. Once again I’ve managed to leave an unforgivable amount of time between updates. I have a new job and work very long hours. On the plus side, at least it has given you time to heal from the last mentally scarring chapter. Now we can begin afresh. ;D Also, as you can see from the video, Lily has developed a strange love of twitching silently in chairs.  I suppose we all have to get our jollies somehow.

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Connor: “At last. I can emerge from the pixelated womb fruit and absorb the life forces of those surrounding me.”
I apologise for any night terrors this may have caused.
Connor: “I’m not sorry. I am never sor- ooh! This shampoo is cucumber scented!”
And so Connor’s plans for world domination were soon forgotten and replaced with disgusting foamy gourd slime.

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I don’t know why, but I find Patterns’ blasé reaction to his son’s stag night absolutely hilarious.

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The theme was ‘dress to impress’, something that everyone aside from the future groom managed to remember. How mentally challenged do you have to be to forget the theme to a party you organised yourself?!
Anyway, the evening kicked off with what was apparently the most confusing game of tabletop football ever. Or rather, it is confusing if you have the collective IQ of a damp sock.

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Archer: “Why did I come here?”
I think Archer has a bad case of morbid curiosity. I bet he thought he’d escaped for good when his sister Lily was chosen as heir, but then he ended up with Albert for a son which is probably about a million times worse than anything else ever.
Archer: “…Did somebody say Albert? Oh god please tell me he’s not here.”
Hello darkness my old friend…

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Psyche! Albert didn’t show up because he was too busy murdering people and just generally being a creepy fuck elsewhere.
On the bright side, Noelle decided to show up because she lives by the phrase ‘ain’t give a damn’ and if she wants to show up to a gorram bachelor party then she will. Oh, and she’ll do it whilst looking like a total BAMF.

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Dorian finally realised where he was and decided to get fancy and start furiously ejaculating.
He is…terrifying. I feel proud. He is the perfect heir for this family.

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Apparently being naked causes Dorian to go completely out of his mind with unrestrained rage. Sophie must have a really tough time of it. No wonder she hasn’t fallen pregnant yet. I bet she wishes Dorian was a never nude.
Patterns: “Huh. We have the same mole.”

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For some reason Fritz has rather outdated moral values and the sight of uncovered ankles and midriffs incites his anger like nothing else. Next thing you know he’ll be wearing a fedora and sprouting a neckbeard whilst using terms like ‘friendzone’ and making sexist posts on Reddit from the comfort of his parent’s basement.
Future Fritz: * tips fedora at m’lady *

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This guy on the other hand…he definately approves.
A little too much.
Guys, I think that might be his orgasm face omg

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The evening just continued to get creepier and creepier the longer it went on. Here we have the very elderly Lily breaking out some moves, whilst her incredibly young looking father openly scopes out her ass. Whilst this is taking place, Patterns takes the voyeuristic approach from outside of the window.
Wow.
I guess after Alistair and Desiree almost committed incest the rest of the family figured it was a-okay.
It is not okay.

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Sophie: “lol don’t mind me. Just becoming one with the oven whilst you guys become one with each other.”
Ewwww.

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MAKE IT STOP.
WHY IS EVERYONE SO HORNY OMFG.

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Luckily, Sophie didn’t get the chance to stick her head in the oven. Instead she chose to spend the next morning gasping with joy and wonder over a rusty watering can out on the deck.
I think she snapped.

Yeeeup. She cray cray. It wont be long before she’s a fully fledged Darroch. I just hope the initiation ceremony hasn’t been downgraded to an incestuous orgy because I might just be sick all over myself.

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Alrighty then, complete stranger to the family.

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Oh joy. Look who decided to show up and make everything brilliant ruin the hen night.
Albert: ♫”Morning bell. Morning bell. Light another candle. Release me. Release me.”♫
Unfortunate guest: “Uh…what?”
Albert: ♫”You can keep the furniture. A bump on the head. Coming down the chimney. Release me…please…”♫
Unfortunate guest: “Oh god, I’ve heard about you. Look, I’m gonna go away now and-“

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Albert: ♫”“SLEEPY JACK THE FIRE DRILL
RUN AROUND AROUND AROUND AROUND AROUND.
CUT THE KIDS IN HALF.” ♫”
“Oh my god dude, are-“

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Albert: ♫”“WE’RE NO STRANGERS TO LOOOOOOVE
YOU KNOW THE RULES AND SO DO I.
NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN NEVER-“
Unfortunate guest: * Runs away, never to return *
Albert: “I was going to sing that medley at dear cousin Dorian’s wedding…you didn’t like it?” * stares into oblivion *
Yeah. Uh, I might have given myself nightmares with that one. I think Albert crossed the border from funny-creepy to creepy-creepy and straight into get-the-fuck-out-of-my-dreams.

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You know, Hen parties aren’t supposed to be a sausage-fest.
* Ba-dum tish *

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The party most definitely was not a blast. Everyone sat in uncomfortable silence whilst awkwardly eating hotdogs and not making any eye contact whatsoever.

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After the flop that was her hen night, Sophie supposed the best course of action would be to get her creep on and stare at her husband-to-be as he washed the day’s dirt away.
Oh god, that line could have come straight from Albert’s imagination.
I bet he’s watching Sophie watching Dorian through a window.

24

Lily: “Oh, Patterns! Thank you for this gorgeous flower! Who said romance was dead?”
Patterns: “lol I gave it to you because I picked it by accident and it smells like a toilet.”
Lily: “What did you say?”
Patterns: “Shitflowers. Hate ’em.”

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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Sophie works at the hospital. Aside from Patterns, she’s the only one with an actual job. Connor is retired, Laura hasn’t churned out a novel for a while, Lily sucks at fishing and Dorian…is Dorian.
Dorian: “Heeeey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”
It means that none of the places around here are obligated to hire someone with severe brain damage.

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Hey so guess what?! I spent two seconds ages setting the chairs up and everyone decided to congregate behind the wedding arch because they are idiots who don’t know how to SIT THE FUCK DOWN.
* ‘nam style flashbacks to Noelle’s wedding *

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No one cares because chairs.
* sulks *

For some reason everyone started moaning. It was weird and made me uncomfortable so naturally I recorded it.

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Right, so here come the various reactions to marital bliss (hah!).
Lily doesn’t give a shit, but Connor is trapped in a glass case of emotion which is slowly being filled with his salty salty tears.

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Surprisingly, Fritz of all people is the one to show genuine happiness for Dorian.
His arch nemesis.
Oh hey, we’re the Darroch family and we never make sense due to a long history of medical, mental and personal problems.
Oh yeah, and Laura thought it was totally a-okay to wear a wetsuit to her grandson’s wedding. But hey, she wore a bikini to her daughter’s wedding so I guess this is a step up.

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Augustine is overcome with emotion!

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Of course, it wouldn’t be a sim party if there wasn’t at least one moment where everyone stood around silently with various thought bubbles cluttering up the screen.
Just eat the fucking cake.

Laura wasn’t feeling too social. I like how she just seemed to walk away in confusion and disgust.

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Oh yes, remember a few chapters back when Patterns decided that hitting on his mother-in-law would be just the best gosh-darned idea ever? Remember how she beat him up and made him her sworn enemy?
Well apparently the lesson didn’t stick because he woke her up at 2am and attempted to flirt.
Yeeeahno. Stop being a horndog.

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Not only did Albert never go home, but he also managed to access a deadly weapon. Apparently he also hired Desiree to follow him around playing epic beats.
At least it’ll make creeping up on people a little harder.
* death metal version of ‘The sound of silence’ begins playing *
I just gave myself a brain embolism trying to imagine how that would sound.

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Dorian: “Yeah, fuck everything about that. I’m out of here.”
Good plan Dorian but I’m pretty sure everyone will be dead by the time you get back, thanks to Albert and his mighty singing fire arrows.
So ends another chapter. I’m sorry there was such a delay with this one! I work stupid hours. Anyway, next time Dorian has a few more misadventures and there may possibly be BABBIES.

Other news around town

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Did Shellie die or something?

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Author: janeeyreforce

eggshelldays.blogspot.co.uk

6 thoughts on “Chapter 3.4 – Carry on creeping

  1. “Cool, let’s chill.” Oh Patterns, you so hip.

    This is a very aptly titled chapter. I currently have to sleep in my cold, dark basement due to bedroom renovations — do you know how hard that is when all that’s fresh on my mind is Albert’s empty stare and that demented bath shot of Connor? Do you?? Haha but seriously, the creep factor is awesome. Thanks for the update, and looking forward to BABY DORIANS OMG

  2. Make Fritz fat. Plz.

    Also. BABIES. ❤

  3. More Darroch hilarity! The videos had me laughing so hard that I couldn’t breathe! Oh creepy Lily, dingus Sophie and moaning wedding fail, you make my heart happy! 😀

    I love all the fail at Dorian and Sophie’s bachelor(ette) parties! Patterns’ reaction was so funny. I have the incest problem with the Scatterdays too…Ainsley would regularly creep on Zhan, and every time the family comes over for a party there is inappropriate heartfarting. It reached a new high? low? with something that I will include a few updates down the line, but Sims just have no sense of decency!

    “You know, Hen parties aren’t supposed to be a sausage-fest.” < I totally lol'd. Bad puns forever~

    Connor and Anchorman references FTW! 😛

    Glad Laura decided to cover up a bit for Dorian and Sophie's wedding, even if she didn't quite make it to proper attire. I love her just walking away from everything in the last video.

    Albert is…different. I would be very unsettled if he showed up to any of my family events, especially with access to a weapon and flippers on his feet. :/

    Excellent hilarious update~ 😀

  4. OMG Albert is my favorite character of this legacy, yep. I just love his creepy self. But the sperm party, I mean the bachelor party was just too much hahahahaha.
    I had that already on my random legacy, and I just couldn’t stop laughing at how suggestive that is while at the same time being something that might seem normal at parties overall, not just bachelor.

    I couldn’t find the chapter where the kid is put on the snow, because like I said, it also happened on my legacy and I was cracking the joke on my update, of how it was already done. I tried linking it, but I ended up linking the entire chapter page. lol.

    Great update, and having a job comes first, more in this economy. So don’t feel bad about updating when you can, it’s life. WE all love Darroch family. They are the funniest bunch.

  5. HOLY CRAP ALBERT 8’D I kinda lost it there.

  6. Haha, the collective IQ of a damp sock. That right there is the most perfect explanation of Sims coding I have ever seen!

    It’s awesome that Noelle showed up to her brother’s bachelor party – you’re so right, it’s completely something she would do. And I agree about the BAMF look. Those tatts are the bomb!

    Argh, Albert is so creepy! But I love that he continues to be part of the family, even if they would all prefer he die in a dumpster. There’s one in every family, and you can’t get rid of them…at least not without the risk of being jailed.

    LOL, Laura’s wedding outfits. Since she’s going to be with us for a while, hopefully she’ll learn? Who knows, by gen 10 she may actually have figured out formalwear! (yes, I’m replying while reading, thus the choppy paragraphs. I will not apologise for it.)

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