The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 3.2 – Everyone is a creepy murderer

21 Comments

1

Sorry its been a while since the last update! I meant to type this up a few days ago but it was my husband’s birthday. There was a lot of booze. I can’t handle my drink very well so needless to say it takes me a while to recover from cider induced hangovers. Plus I’m just lazy. Like, really lazy.
UGGGH. Anyway, welcome back to this piss-stained blight of a legacy. I’m sure if this blog had a scent, it would be that of an unwashed trucker’s armpit coated in a moist layer of sweaty desperation. Enticing!
So as I suspected, the maid is a pervert. Don’t let that thought bubble fool you, she isn’t coy in the slightest. She took her sweet time leaving the bathroom after Dorian tried to shoo her out. Granted, it may have had something to do with the helicoptering motion he was making.

2

Any attention is good attention when you’re a diva, it seems.
Dorian: “Teehee! Someone was paying attention to me!”
Probably because you look like you’re wearing the vomit of a tiger who chowed down on some fucking glowsticks. Jesus dick. By the way, that gorgeous colour scheme is courtesy of Sinny. You can go to her page and thank her for that one. But seriously, her legacy is pretty awesome so you should check it out.

3

Dorian is an insufferable assracket and wouldn’t stay in his formal attire long enough for prom. That’s the drawback of it taking place during winter. So instead you have to view its beauty via create-a-sim rather than seeing its glorious splendour in the wild. It’s a real shame. That putrid green would look amazing under some disco lights.

4

Dorian: “Uh, why is it snowing inside the limo?”
Because you don’t deserve a functioning limo like everyone else. Look at what you are wearing. How can you call yourself a diva?”
Dorian: “But I’m cold!”
I hope you die.

5

Oh, that’s right Dorian. Just drive off in your fancy limo and leave your girlfriend standing outside in the cold.
I’m not sure how Sophie feels about this. That grimace of hers could mean anything. Maybe she just needs to take an immense dump.

06

Well, at least she didn’t hold it against him. Although I can’t help but feel that Dorian is majorly pushing his luck. The thought of him performing the chicken dance whilst wearing that garish suit just makes me want to be sick all over his head.

6

How did this even happen? I…I’m so glad I don’t live in that world.

7

So, once Dorian’s prom was over and done with (I wish the school wasn’t a rabbit hole, I want to see the dance!) nothing much happened and I started getting bored. So I figured Dorian should probably spend some time getting to know his extended family and sent him over to visit his uncle Archer, before my boredom reached ‘small room containing a fireplace and no door’ levels.
Shelly: “Ahaha! How do you like your frozen balls, loser?!”
Archer: “I’m so attracted to you right now.”
Dorian wanted to turn right around and leave. I made him stay.
Forever.

8

Oh yeah, remember Archer and Shelly recently had a second kid? I think I mentioned it in the previous chapter. Well anyway, here is a screenshot of the back of her head because I forgot to take one of her face. Exciting, right? Her name is Desiree, which is a fucking hideous name but whatever.
Also she was really intent on trying to break Dorian’s neck. His suit is pretty offensive.

9

Shortly after Desiree made several attempts on his life, I finally let Dorian leave Archer’s house and had him go visit his sister because I received a pop-up telling me her sproglings had finally mutated into children.
Here is child!Alistair. I didn’t write down any of his traits because I’m a useless shit! : D

10

Heeeeeere’s Penny! I am going to save you some time here and just let you know that I haven’t written down anything about these kids, and I can’t be bothered to start my game up. I do know for sure that Penny is evil, though. I remember that quite clearly because she was born with that trait and the thought of an evil burrito worried me somewhat.

11

Aaaand…oh fuck.
* checks previous chapter *
Augustine!
Augustine: “I will not be forgotten, neither will I forget. I hate you.”
Okay.wav

12

Penny is Dorian’s favourite niece. It has nothing to do with the fact that she also happens to be my favourite. Nope. Totally a coincidence.

13

Dorian: “lol I am king of all that I survey.”
Soo…a repulsive neon green, heart shaped carpet and a bed? Good going. I’m sure many a war will be waged over possession of such a glorious kingdom, you fuckturnip.

14

Lily: “Good mornin’, dad.”
Connor: “I’m going to split your skull open with a hammer.”
Lily: “lol cool.”
* laughter track *  

15

Dorian kept whining about wanting to host a sleepover and wouldn’t shut up about it. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was actually a cover for some creepy teen cult meeting. They spent the majority of their time standing outside in their pajamas whilst thinking about Dorian, who I believe is their leader. The chick on the right is a first world anarchist, ain’t no one gonna tell her what to think, although her shorts suggest she is taking fashion tips from Dorian at least.
Na’vi lookalike: “RUNNING MACHINE.” *clapclapclap *

16

Of course, Connor had to be that embarrassing relative.
Miniature Laura outside: “I’m Laura.”

17

Dreadlock dude: “Yesss. Let us breathe on one another to officiate our love.”
Pink girl: “Yesss. The three of us shall know a love that is pure.
Girl in background: “Seriously. I really just want to do my homework. You’re creeping me out.”

18

Na’vi lookalike: “I’ve only been here for under an hour and your grandmother has asked me if I would like a dorito sandwich ten fuckin’ times. How do you stand it?”
Dorian: “Math is hard.”

19

Laura: “Heeey, fellow kids! Look at how hip and down with it I am!”
Na’vi lookalike: “I hate everything and I want to kill myself.”

20

Patterns was the only one who took the ‘sleepover’ part seriously. As soon as 9:00pm hit he was out like a sack of bricks, even though his energy bar wasn’t even below half full. You just know he was one of those losers in high school who desperately wanted to be included but just made himself appear nerdier as a result.
Icanrelate

21

This chick was making googly eyes at Dorian all night, as well as awkwardly flirting with him.
When he brutally shot her down she of course decided that the best course of action would be to sleep in his bed like a love crazed stalker.
So creepy. It doesn’t help that she is apparently sleeping in a wedding dress either.

22

Ava showed up uninvited, stood outside for a few hours, thought about Patterns and then immediately started throwing up.
I love sims.

24

Albert: “You should throw yourself into the river, dear cousin.”
Dorian: “Uh…”
Albert: “We could do it together. We would never be apart again.”
Dorian: “Nope. Nope. Nope.”
Albert: “In restless dreams I walked alone~”
Dorian: “Listen dude, I have to-“
Albert: “Narrow streets of cobblestone~”
Dorian: “That’s…great. I’m going inside the hou-“
Albert: “‘NEATH THE HALO OF A STREET LAMP~”
Dorian: * nopes the fuck out *

26

I felt that Dorian really needed to get away from the clammy clutches of his murderous cousins, so I sent him out to enjoy some kind of egg harvesting festival that was taking place nearby. Thankfully, it wasn’t quite what it sounded like.
Also, this young adult was walking around with an invisible cane and terrible footwear.

27

Okaaaay. I guess Sophie is now sporting the ‘I fell asleep in the sun’ look.
Is this a glitch or what? I mean it looks cool and all, but I would like to know what the heck causes it.

28

I really think the aging in my game is completely fucked. Noelle’s kids have already reached their teen years, and it had only been about 2 or 3 in-game days at this point. It’s like the town is aging way faster than the main house or something.
But anyway, here is a shot of them all together. I still don’t have their traits written down, but shush, look at how awesome Penny is! She is still my Dorian’s favourite niece.

29

See what I mean about the aging? Archer is like a week younger than Lily and yet he has already reached elder status before her.
Haven’t you always wanted to see Archer through Lily’s skull? I know I have. What a treat this is!

30

Laura: “TIME FOR YOU TO GET OLD, LOSER! THIS WILL MAKE BEATING YOUR ASS EVEN EASIER.”
Lily: “Woo! Old balls and loose skin!”
Patterns: “Maybe I should wish for a different family before it’s too late?”

31

No time for that!
So here is old!Patterns. He doesn’t look all that different. I felt that he should keep his blue hair, because why should an imaginary friend have to go grey? Plus blue hair is cool.

32

Lily: “Hey, it’s time for me to fall prey to the horrors of gravity, too!”
Laura: “Let me eat your arm before it gets all gross and sinewy.”
Frantic Archer: “Oh fuck fuck fuck, what am I even doing here?! I escaped! Why did I come back?!”

33

Lily: “Tah-daaaa!”
Laura: “Wow. You look…wrinkled. Like a creased shirt. I’ll iron you later, don’t worry.”
Connor: “You look like shit, gurrrrl.”
This is too weird.

34

HERE IS A NIGHTMARE FOR YOOOOU~!
The baby that Fritz had with Nora aged up into this. Best thing ever. I hope he breeds a lot and populates the entire town with melted candle faced sims. John Paul for sexiest sim 2013.

35

Dorian was so aroused frightened by the sight of his super sexy nephew that he proceeded to release sweet, golden crotch-shine all over the floor.
It was actually an improvement.

36

HOLY SHIT IT’S ANOTHER FUCKING OUTING
IT’S THE BEST OUTING EVER AGAIN
TIME TO RUN AROUND FOR NO GOOD REASON
AND ACT LIKE THERE’S STUFF THEY’VE GOTTA DO
‘CAUSE THEY’RE STUPID FUCKING SIMS AND THEY DON’T KNOW SHIT
AND THEY GO NO FUCKIN’ BILLS TO PAY

37

I have no idea what the theme of the festival was. I can’t remember. At all. So it was probably something boring that no one cares about.
Anyway, Shelly was there with Desiree and Archer. They just kind of stood around and-

38

HOLY CRAP. Desireeeeeeeeee (that is her name forever now) grew up to be totally gorgeous. I am glad to see she inherited her dad’s nose. I’m not a fan of teeny-tiny noses.
Her mouth is like, the perfect shape.
Wow I sound creepy.

39

Dorian started hyperventilating and foaming at the mouth because the camera was focused on someone else for more than a few seconds.
Dorian: “Pay attention to meeee! Dorian! Me. ME ME ME. NO. DON’T YOU DARE LOOK AWAY OR I WILL DESTROY YOU AND DANCE IN A FOUNTAIN OF YOUR BLOOD.”

40

A pair of free spirited rollerskates casually enjoying a stroll.

41

Archer: “You look…young. I have to go stand somewhere else now and process this.”
Laura: “Lol all of my children are gonna die soon.”

42

Then Laura and Connor proceeded to stare at one another whilst everyone else slowly and carefully skated in a perfect circle around them. Well, everyone except for Dorian who can’t go more than two seconds without fucking everything up.
It was surreal.

043

So I THIS popped up. That is most definitely incest. No two ways about it. I’m surprised the game didn’t realise it. THEY HAVE THE SAME SURNAME. YES THE SENTIMENT IS ALMOST TOO MUCH TO HANDLE.
Interesting development, that’s for sure. I suppose with this family we all knew incest was more than a looming possibility.

43

Lily had to rush off and play the drums for some kind of scientific research, so Desireeeeeeeeee filled in for her.
How appropriate. Or should that be inappropriate? I don’t even know anymore. This family is messed up.

44

Connor: “So after searching high and low for my XXL cucumber, I remembered that your grandmother and I had indulged in some fun the night before. Turned out that it was still stuck up in h-“
Dorian: * open mouthed silent scream *

45

This face plagued his nightmares forever after.

46

Lily: “I’m old now. I’m not going to fish anymore.”
Lily pretty much spends all of her time on the water slide since she became an elder. I often regret buying it for them, but she loves it so much I don’t have the heart to sell it.

47

Lily awoke in the early hours of the morning and waded out into the river, never to be seen again.
loljk I just wanted to upload this screenshot because it looks pretty.

Other news around town:

Untitled7

I hope Albert doesn’t opt to baptise the baby.

Untitled8

Archer, Albert, and now Alec? So many names beginning with A.

Untitled10

Heey, he hooked up with the Na’vi lookalike. I hope they make a lot of melty-faced babies.

Untitled11

At least she’s not incestuous like her brother. >:{

Untitled13

Yeah, Patterns is Mayor now.
A Darroch is Mayor.
Oh shit.

Author: janeeyreforce

eggshelldays.blogspot.co.uk

21 thoughts on “Chapter 3.2 – Everyone is a creepy murderer

  1. PATTERNS FOR GLOBALMAYOR
    GLOBALMAYOR IS NOW A THING
    Aww, thankyou for the shoutout, dearling. I should really get to my blog. SOON. BLARG.
    Dorian is boss. Incest is weird. BLUE HAIR FOREVERRRR.
    *dances*

  2. Dorian is adorable… even when he’s being fake/coy when the maid walks in on him. I adore the faces he makes!

    In the picture of Shelley and Archer (where he’s thinking about how attractive she is) my first thought was “Why is he breathing onto her vagina??”. So… yeah. I think I’ve really gotten used to processing the way your Sims think lol!

    OMG The entire extended family is gorgeous!! Johnpaul is the most terrifying thing EVER but Alistair, Desiree, PENNY, and all the others are adorable. I love the genetic variety you have going… although the incest is likely to end that soon! I’ve moved so much that I haven’t had to deal with incest TOO much… but there’s definitely some of it going on. 😦

    Seriously, Albert is the first sim EVER who actually, legitimately freaked me out. I couldn’t look at the picture for very long. I have a feeling that he will be in my nightmares. 😦

    • He is very cute! I’m glad he won, because I have a feeling he’s going to have some cool looking kids with Sophie. I just wish he’d stop being a teenager already, uggggh. It feels like he’s been a teen forever.

      Holy crap, you are right. It totally looks like he is trying to revive her lady garden or something. Ewww.

      Iknowright?! Geeze, they all have some nice genes going on. I am a little worried about the incest though, but on the other hand I kind of find it funny. It makes me feel like they are Game of Thrones characters.

      Albert is fucking terrifying. When I saw how creepy that screenshot turned out I just knew I had to include it somewhere in the chapter. I was going for funny-creepy with the caption, but I think it just came across as murder-creepy, haha!

  3. haha I’ve missed reading this!I wish my mum was here to read it with me (she’s in hospital for hypoglycemia but she’s ok). Would you be so kind as to check out my new legacy on blogspot? I’m already regretting my choice of website and the formatting is awful.. http://thehartleylegacy.blogspot.com.au/

    can you help me with funny captions for each picture?

    • Sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she gets well again soon! 😦

      d00d, you should post on WordPress! I don’t have a blogspot but I can of course head over and read it. ❤ Can you still leave comments if you aren't a member?

  4. Hey!!! My cat’s name is Desiree. >:/

    Nah. Im just kidding. :p

    This cracked the shitties out of me:

    Albert: “You should throw yourself into the river, dear cousin.”
    Dorian: “Uh…”
    Albert: “We could do it together. We would never be apart again.”
    Dorian: “Nope. Nope. Nope.”
    Albert: “In restless dreams I walked alone~”
    Dorian: “Listen dude, I have to-”
    Albert: “Narrow streets of cobblestone~”
    Dorian: “That’s…great. I’m going inside the hou-”
    Albert: “‘NEATH THE HALO OF A STREET LAMP~”
    Dorian: * nopes the fuck out *

    And I think those two incestuous kids are hanging out with my Mellark family. ^ ^

  5. This is my favorite legacy. My daughters’ love it, too. Please please please find a way to let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time. I’ll just fade away without my dorito and XXL cucumber fix 😦 .

    • Well, how can I resist when you’ve quoted The Smiths to me? ;D I promise there will be another update soon, I have some free time coming up. 🙂

      Thank you so much for the kind comment! ❤

  6. Final catch-up comment huzzah! I hope you don’t mind the notification spam 😛

    Oh man Dorian’s hot pink and lime green kung-fu outfit is just perfect! He can kick ass AND look fabulous while doing it! =D

    I would hide outside at a sleepover if it meant avoiding Connor the weirdo relative. The creepy teen cult may be smarter than they look. Also loling at Patterns hopping into his sleeping bag to appear cool. I know lots about the trying-to-be-cool-and-failing thing too, so I can relate.

    Oh my God Albert seems like he has a few…issues. I would nope outta there too. RUN DORIAN! :/

    John Paul’s melty face is horrible yet fascinating. I hope he also reproduces and spreads his meltiness throughout town. His name also made me laugh a lot. I guess Fritz and Nora are big fans of the Pope?

    Hahahaha incest! No idea why the game doesn’t recognize them as related. Maybe something happened when they were ported over to Dragon Valley? Lol but ick.

    Elder sims seem to love the water slide. After I installed Generations and bought one for the Scatterdays, Ainsley and George were constantly on it. Also that’s a bit of an odd crotch-centric angle on Lily.

    Mayor Patterns forever! I can’t wait to see what kind of havoc he will inevitably wreak on Dragon Valley.

    Awesome update and now I’m all caught up! Woooo!

  7. I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT DESIREEEEEEEEEE LOOKS LIKE A PALE ME. THIS IS NOT A JOKE AND I AM NOT LYING. AND YOU SAID SHE WAS GORGEOUS. #dying

    You should call it Darrochcest.
    Like Weasleycest. oh god weasleycest I will never sleep again

    Also Albert 5eva

    • Haha, seriously? Well then you must be super pretty!

      Oh god please I don’t need those kind of nightmares again! xD

      It is my new aim to have Albert appear at least once in like, every update.

      • *Italian gangster voice activated* ‘Eyyy. Don’t start that with me, I saw your picture, you’re like a unicorn ate a rainbow and got diarrhoea ❤ I say that in the kindest sense.

        Even if it's not part of the story, put him in the window. You don't even have to mention it in the text, he just has to be in a picture, somewhere, somehow.

      • OH MY GOD THAT IS AN AMAZING IDEA. I already have the draft for the upcoming chapter, but the one after that for sure. I shall of course credit you for the idea because holy shit, it’s amazing.

        Oh man, this blog is gonna become a dedication to the joys of Albert or something.

  8. Pingback: The Scatterday Matriarchy 2.10: They’re All Just Fish! Fish Happily Eating Up the Bait! | Whalers Plays The Sims

  9. Damn, this just keeps getting funnier and funnier. I almost lost it last chapter when Noelle’s kid got buried under the snow, and now with those “free-spirited rollerskates” casually making an appearance… dear lord. I’m gonna be sad when I run out of chapters to read. I guess that just means you’ll have to update a lot.

    So I hope you’re aware that you need to upload Desiree and Penny like RIGHT NOW because they are freaking amazing and I want them in my legacy town.

    Also, do you use Ephemera’s skin replacement? ‘Cause DUDE, I’m totally having the same issues with Melting Candle Face Syndrome! Razor gets it every time he ages up and I have to fiddle around with shit until he’s normal again. D: Wait ’til you see it on a child sim… it was so hideous it made my game crash, no joke. Anyway, I think it might have something to do with the face overlay I use, which is Ephemera version something… but I haven’t come up with a solution yet so this paragraph was kinda pointless. LOL sorry.

    • I am typing up another chapter right now! 😀 Hopefully you wont have to wait very long. Now you know the pain I felt upon reaching the end of your legacy. MOAR.

      Penny and Desiree are babes. I’ll see what I can do.

      I actually have no idea which skin I’m currently using, but I’ve been on the hunt for a different one for a while now. Whatever I’m using is prone to glitching a lot.

  10. Patterns…you know it’s a teen sleepover, right? For your youngest son? That means you’re NOT INVITED! But lol, love all the other random stuff that happened on the sleepover. Sounds about right for RL.

    Morrigan’s (oh wait, which Darroch kid do they belong to…no clue, anyway) kids are gorgeous! I’m still firmly in Penny’s camp, she’s so pretty.

    Patterns goes from a teen sleepover to Mayor of the town. The world is going to end in a fireball.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s