The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 3.1 – Kung-fu diva


The winner of the last chapter’s heir poll is…Dorian!  He won by one vote (at least he did the last time I checked, which was a minute ago). It was a close one, that’s for sure. So, we’ll be getting some super sassy kung-fu adventures in the future! I’m going to apologise because despite Dorian winning the heir vote his siblings have ended up being the main focus of this chapter. It’s just a temporary thing, Dorian will get the spotlight all to himself during the next chapter. Anyway, I’m sure you’re just giddy with barely restrained excitement, so I’ll get on with the chapter before you collectively soil yourselves.


My original plan for Spooky day was to have all the Darrochs dress up as various characters from the Rocky Horror Picture Show but of course that never happened because I am a lazy piece of shit. Instead you get to feast your eyes on Dr Connor and Spaceman Patterns (who seem worried about Mango’s fascination with the morbid), along with Lily the Cop.
Lily: “Don’t quote me gurrrl, ’cause I ain’t said shit. I was on the front cover of the LA Times.”
I don’t know. I don’t understand this family or anything they do ever.


Noelle: “Hurr hurr, so what d’ya think of that, Morrigan babe? You’ve landed yourself a money making machine!
Connor: “What…what is this sorcery? I’m not sure how to feel.”
Connor is the only one who is genuinely impressed by Noelle’s dumb tricks amazing and competent displays of truly genius magical performances.


Fritz came dressed as a cowplant and decided to creepily stare at the camera and think about his cousin whilst his younger brother the cowboy danced behind him with his hotdog of a girlfriend.
Now that’s a mouthful. 
Also, Fritz became shorter than everybody else for no reason.


Dorian: “Homphomphomph…there’s nothing I love more than a huuuuuge meaty sausage to wrap my lips around. Homphslurpslurp. Hey that reminds me, I could really go for a frozen banana with nuts right now.”
Poor costume choice, Sophie. Poor costume choice.


Nora then ascended into the sky, her majestic wings creating a mighty wind so powerful that it flattened every house within a 200 mile radius. She then proceeded to take an intense fiery dump, completely destroying any of the hopeful survivors. The mighty dragon Nora took pause for a moment and observed the hideous chaos she had created.
Then that little fantasy ended and Nora spent the rest of the evening in the Darroch family’s toilet suffering from curry induced squits.


Fritz aged up into a young adult but who actually gives a shit?*
Seriously dude you got like 7 votes at the most.
He rolled evil for his final trait. NO SURPRISE.
*I actually do give a shit secretly. Fritz is pretty cool in a douchey way and I will miss him.


So I cheated a little bit and invited Nora around so I could age her up using NRAAS. For some reason nobody’s favourite sim Shelly used this as an excuse to turn up and transform the lower half of her face into gaping a black hole, this was followed by repeated attempts to hit on Connor and Patterns.


Nora aged up into a badass who looks like she can probably handle Fritz and his not-so-new evil antics. I like Nora. She kind of reminds me of a snake or a lizard. I think they’ll have interesting looking kids.


Fritz: “I want to destroy everything you love with a rocket.”
Nora: “I love you too, sweetie. We can pick up your meds on the way to our new house.”
Fritz: “Rockets4Lyf lol.”


This is Nora and Fritz’s new place! It is so cute! Unfortunately Dorian left a flaming bag of shit on the doorstep before he and Noelle could get invited inside so I don’t have any photos of the interior. Thanks a lot, dude.


Noelle: “Oh, Morrigan…”
You’re not even writing anything. You’re literally just staring off into space whilst in what I can only assume is a mushroom induced haze and doodling pictures of boobies.
Noelle: “Hurrrrrrrrrrrr.”


Holy shit, they are made for each other.


Well whatever it was that Morrigan sent it clearly got Noelle’s seal of approval. As you can see, she appears to be painfully aroused to the point of gurning out of sheer excitement.
I’m going to miss her.


One of many reasons why you should never attempt to flirt with your immortal Overlord of a mother-in-law. Especially if she insists on wearing a rabbit suit at all times. That is not the sign of a sane and rational person who can be reasoned with in any way.


Laura managed to cease kicking her son-in-law’s ass just long enough to enjoy her granddaughter’s wedding ceremony.
Of course everyone’s immense brain damage was on full display and half of them couldn’t seem to remember that CHAIRS ARE FOR SITTING ON SO SIT THE FUCK DOWN.


Noelle: “Aren’t you gonna ask how I managed to afford this ring?”
Morrigan: “Oh my god, are you retarded? No. Not after what happened the last time I asked. If this came out of someone’s ass then I don’t want to know. Ever.”
The vows were totes romantic guys.


Noelle: “Uhh, so we need to be out of here in a few days. D’ya reckon one of us should get knocked up first? I also really want to get laid.”
Ahh, Noelle. Ever the romantic.


I made them Woo-Hoo the crap out of each other but not once did the baby jingle sound! >:[
Noelle: “Oh fathers of metal, please turn me into a nubile Goddess of fertility, with a healthy and full womb~!”
Morrigan: “Maybe thinking of Noelle’s grandfather will help. Hooyeah.”
Everything is creepy. So creepy.


An entire day passed and I suddenly realised that Archer was still standing around the alter throwing confetti into the air and laughing to himself with childlike glee.
I think it says a lot about the family if something like this doesn’t immediately register as abnormal.


I caught Patterns having a private party with himself which was kind of adorable in a ‘Wow, Patterns is a total loser’ kind of way.


Okay, so his excitement was warranted. He completed his LTW! He wont ever retire though, because he is a workaholic and has full scale panic attacks if he is away from a stapler or photocopier for more than 8 hours.


Fritz came creeping back into the house wearing full scale fantasy garb. I can only assume he’s been taking part in some sort of historical re-enactment.
Noelle: “Dude, you smell like a toilet.”
Yup. Definitely historical re-enactment.


I…what? This is his evil deed?
That better be one rancid dump.


Laura: “Yeah, you better fucking run Patterns. I just got done fighting that dick of a rooster and I’m feeling fierce. I GOTS BLOOD ON MY HANDS, BOOOOIIII.”
Immortality has made Laura a little cranky.


I am aware that I’ve made Dorian look like a massive pile of fluorescent zebra puke.
I swear it was an accident. I am having a very hard time trying to combine a look that accurately screams ‘Diva kung-fu master’.


Dorian: Master of exciting dates.


So I guess Dorian is taking dating advice from creepy old pixies who spend their time reading in the bushes? Okay.


Just what the hell is happening here? Is there a party going on in the shrubbery or something?


Sophie ended up getting bored and leaving, so Dorian shared a very awkward watermelon with a balding and bearded stranger.
The sound of their chewing was loud and uncomfortable.


Hey! I guess all that knocking of boots worked out after all!


Oh shit. It worked a little too well.
Although I am loving Morrigan’s questionable choice in maternity attire. Very uh, avant garde. Yeeeah.


Dorian: “Getting money, divas getting money,
If you ain’t getting money then you ain’t got nothing for me.
I’mma diva, oooooh~!”
This is what you wanted. THIS IS WHAT YOU DAMN WELL GET.


Laura: “Boohoo, why wasn’t I invited to the shrubbery party? I never get invited anywhere!”
Probably because you beat the shit out of anybody who dares set their gaze upon Dorito Overlord Laura 2013 (new year, new rules).


Lily: “Fear not old and broken book! I shall fix you with this handy-dandy screwdriver!”
Nothing in this house ever makes sense and my head hurts.




Double shit.
There is a limit to the amount of creepy sim labour noises I can put up with. At this point I muted my laptop because I’m pretty sure my husband thought I was watching some kind of weird and violent porn.


This is my favourite screenshot EVER. Pattern’s screaming and horrified face is hilarious enough, but the best part is the way Laura has shoved her head through Connor’s torso whilst he just casually stands there with Noelle (who is holding baby number one).


After Noelle was done giving birth to baby number one, Morrigan gave birth to baby number two, and then…


Baby number three arrived! Morrigan remained looking dead inside.
Morrigan: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”


Stellar parenting skills from the get go. It’s probably a good thing Noelle isn’t heir because I doubt any of these kids are going to survive long enough to reach adulthood.


Laura: “lol shut up everybody I am a sleepy rabbit.”
She never wears anything else. Honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t wear it to the wedding, although I suppose it’s an improvement over the cat coat.


Dorian’s old room was such an awkward shape I figured he may as well take over Noelle’s room seeing as she’ll be leaving the house soon anyway. So this happened. It is divalicious.


Yup. The treadmill is positioned in front of the mirror so he can admire himself whilst he works out. Perfect for a fabulous diva kung-fu master.


I wanted to move Noelle and Morrigan out because the house was starting to get a little crowded, but I also really wanted to see the babies age up before they left. I hate babies. They never stay in the burrito stage for long when I’m playing.
This one is Augustine. She is absent minded and insane. Her favourite colour is violet (lucky she inherited Morrigan’s hair colour then), she enjoys eating salmon and listening to Chinese music. SHE IS SO CUTE.


This is Alistair. I couldn’t resist. His mother’s name is Morrigan so it was too perfect! Any of you guys Dragon Age fans? I know Morrigan isn’t Alistair’s mother in DA, I just wanted this guy to have a fitting name to go with his mother’s.
ANYWAY. He is clumsy and evil, loves the colour lime, enjoys eating fruit parfait(!) and likes French music.


This is Penny. She is Alistair’s twin sister and my favourite of the trio. Looks like she inherited her grandmother’s hair colour!
Penny is grumpy and evil, loves the colour green, has a taste for curry and enjoys pop music. Odd combo. I like the idea of her becoming a supervillian with a taste for boybands.


I moved Noelle and her new family into this super cute house! Sorry all the pictures were taken in build mode, I didn’t realise until I’d already exited the game.


House spam!


More adorable house spam!


♫Hello darkness my old friend…♫
Not to worry. He hasn’t been abandoned, the adults just won another of those free orgie fest tickets holidays so Dorian has the house to himself.
We shall see what he gets up to in the next chapter!

Other news around DragonMcDragonville:




So much breeding.


I love this so hard.


What a hideous name. But yay for heir spare babies!




Shut up Mayor, no one likes you.




Holy shit that was fast. He inherited Fritz’s hair colour though, yay!

Author: janeeyreforce

25 thoughts on “Chapter 3.1 – Kung-fu diva

  1. Hehehe. Sassy kung fu adventures! I see the phrase stuck 😉
    No ideas for a kung fu outfit? FLORESCENT PINK AND GREEN SILK. HELL YEAH.
    Those babies are stupidly pretty. Super breeding. Defo.
    I love Doriaaan.

    • AWW HELL YES. PINK AND GREEN IT IS. 😀 I will of course credit you for that genius colour combo in my next post. Dude. It’s so perfect.

      I know right? I was pretty sad to see them go, especially Penny. But you guys will still get updates on them as I imagine I’ll be making Dorian visit his siblings fairly often.

      • It’s a shame the stupidly beautiful sims can’t be in the legacy. Ah wells. Dorian just has to have stupidly beautiful children of his own with some chick in Dragonmcdoodlefarmville.

        Also hell yeah credit! I’M HELPIIIING.

      • Oh I don’t mind. I’m not really a fan of super beautiful sims anyway. I like them slightly on the odd looking side. if possible. I’m hoping Dorian’s kids will have some interesting physical quirks.

  2. HAH omg this chapter was so much win. The Darrochs never do disappoint . . . in a sense. XD I love all of Morrigan and Noelle’s babies, but especially Alistair. “Swooping is . . . bad . . . .” 😛 Great update! Can’t wait to see what Dorian gets up to in the house all by himself . . . something tells me it won’t end well.

    • ‘In a sense’ is right. ;D Haha Alistair and Morrigan are probably my two favourite videogame characters ever! I loved the banter between them whenever I had them in my party.

  3. Alistair gives me the fear, I feel like he’s about to shoot laser beams from his eyes and turn me into a frazzled, smoking heap of bleugh.
    Great update, as always! 😀

  4. Honestly, I’m kind of boring. If I knew I was going to live forever and I had no responsibilities whatsoever, I’d probably just hang out in bunny pajamas, too. I sort of hate myself for agreeing with Laura on anything, though.

    Your post made me realize that Simmers are the only group of people where one person can say “I hate babies!”, everyone else will agree, and no one will feel the slightest bit of guilt about it. Because we’re awesome. 🙂

    NO I DON’T LIKE DRAGON AGE AT ALL, I MEAN SERIOUSLY! lol I love Alistair. I seriously thought about trying for ANOTHER baby because I really wanted an Alistair… maybe I’ll just steal yours, if you put him for download. *hinthint* 😉

    I’m so glad that Dorian won! I love them all, but he’s my favorite. Can’t wait to see what these crazy Darroch’s get up to next.

    • Whenever I find myself empathising or agreeing with any of Laura’s decisions I find I have the sudden urge to grab a hard drink a re-evaluate my life. It’s never a good sign. 😉 However I do kinda want bunny pajamas…they look so damn comfortable!

      I know right?! It is so freeing! I hate babies. I hate babies. I hate babies. Or sim babies, anyway. Stupid burrito impersonators. >:{

      ME NEITHER IT SUCKS. Oh that reminds me, I still need to put Noelle, Fritz and Dorian up for download. o: I’ll put their kids up too once they grow up so you can have Alistair. 😛

      I am pretty psyched to see what Dorian will be like as an heir. I have some interesting plans for him~

  5. Looks like I came late to the party. 😦
    Sorry it took me so long to leave my thoughts.

    Holy cow!! Three babies in a row? That was some very productive woohooing. I must try it, but it would have to be for another legacy -_-

    My favorite is also the twin of Alistair, what’s her name? *scrolls up* Penny. But I prefer the skin color of Noelle. I do like pale skins, but not so much that it looks vampiric or any other supernatural way. It’s pretty to look at, but I’m so boring, I stick to the traditional skin colors. Funny, because I obsess over vampires. I have no clue why I’m so difficult LOL.

    Nway, I still prefer her hahaha. She has that ‘I’m-fabulous-and-you-know-it’ look which is adorable in babies. Thanks to your amazing skills at keeping taps on the rest of the family, I will be seeing more of Penny in later days. I don’t know how you do it, but I often forget the sims I don’t have at home under my control. Muahahaha. But is sad though.

    Hopefully Dorian will give us plenty of cute/adorable/creepy babies just like Noelle and the rest of the gang.

    The shrubbery party, baby in the snow, and a few other shots had me laughing my head off. Priceless. BTW, baby in the snow is kind of a common thing, it seems. My sims left their baby in the snow while aging up, I thought the baby would die before becoming a toddler. 😮

    The Alien excuse to not go to the ball is hilarious. I wonder who comes up with these stuff in EA. I want to shake their hands. \

    Great chapter as always janee. 😀
    Keep them coming!! ^^

  6. I’m very confused… boolprop got me all excited because it said you had a new update today, but the thread links to this one. 😦 I did that once, though. I forgot to post a new chapter to boolprop for like a week. 😛

    • Yup. That’s exactly what happened! I forgot to link this one and ended up just doing it today. Should have another update soon, but just had husband’s birthday today so I should probably recover from this alcohol binge-fest first. ;P

      • lol! I am having a bachelorette party in about two weeks. I haven’t drank more than a couple of sips of alcohol with dinner or something like that since before our son was born (he’s five now) so it should be interesting. I might need a few weeks to recover from that, and by that time I’ll be drinking at the wedding!

        Happy birthday to your husband! That’s a fantastic reason to hold off on updates. 🙂

      • Oh gosh, that’s a long time! Ah well, if ever there was a good time to start drinking again then a bachelorette party is it!

        Yeah, we have a couple of days off together so we’re making the most of it. 😀 Hey, do you have Facebook? We should friend each other~

      • Couldn’t reply to your other reply… which sounds redundant. But I DO have Facebook, it’s here: 🙂

      • Yay! I have sent a request~!

  7. And my commenting continues!

    I love the family’s spooky day costumes!! Sophie as a hot dog got a huge laugh from me. Mmm…hot dogs and bananas with nuts…

    Fritz is a handsome young adult, even if he is a douche. Even though Noelle is the magician, I definitely got a Gob Bluth vibe off of him.

    Noelle and Morrigan’s wedding looked beautiful, even if nobody sat down. I like them as a couple! They are perfect for each other.

    Oh man, I also get uncomfortable listening to weird Sim labour noises. They really do sound like violent porn. :/ I can only imagine that it is much much worse with two Sims in labour at once. Also that Patterns screaming and Laura head-shoving picture is absolutely amazing. Noelle and Morrigan’s kids are super cute and their house is awesome.

    I totally laughed super hard at the last picture of Dorian alone and the Arrested Development reference. Too hilarious! Amazing update as usual. =)

  8. So, which one of the twins is the new archdemon? Ehe. Ehe ehe. *is shot*

  9. That is a FANTASTIC house! 🙂 I’ve almost downloaded the Dragon town a dozen times… It’s worth it? Yes?

  10. Oh, my! I simply love your legacy and this crazy family.

    LOL @ Noelle and Morrigan giving birth at the same time. No one can’t say they’re not in synch, that’s for sure :P.

    And, wow, that shrubbery party was really crowded! 😀

  11. PMSL, there is always one who gets glitched at the wedding party. Oh Archer, you are useful even as a spare. But you’re right, in this family, that wouldn’t be considered weird. And I love what it says about the family!

    LOL, I have parties in shrubbery in Sunlit Tides! Especially at the school and City Hall – always shrubbery parties after graduations.

    The babies are so coot! I’m with you, Lily’s hair with Morrigan’s skintone is gorgeous on Penny.

    Man, that house, it’s almost making me want to go play in Dragon Valley again. But I don’t like the Medieval theme there…

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