The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 2.11- Meat wands and an heir vote



I booted up the game and was greeted with this hideous monstrosity. For one harrowing moment I thought the save file was corrupted, but sadly luckily for you guys it turns out the family were just being little shits and were perfectly a-okay!
I know I’ve been spamming the WordPress feed with update after update lately,  which considering how lazy I am is quite unlike me, but it’s because I am super excited to get the heir vote underway! Oh, and I’ve also changed the blog font to black which should be a lot easier to read. No idea why I didn’t do that sooner.


You’ll remember the last chapter ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, with Fritz suddenly becoming irrationally jealous of Dorian’s newly found happiness with Nora Lawless.
WELL, FRITZ IS KIND OF A BITCH. So this happened as soon as Dorian’s back was turned for more than a few seconds, and unfortunately for him she reciprocated to his older brother’s advances.
I have no fucking clue why any of this happened but it’s pretty awesome in an over the top teen-drama kind of way. Stuff like this is why I always have free will switched on (plus it means I don’t have to micromanage every little thing they do, like reminding myself them to take a dump).


After being a total dick and cheating on Sophie with his brother’s love interest Fritz then began breaking up with her in the loudest and most obnoxious way possible in front of everyone until his asshole meter blew the roof off and made the moon explode.
Sophie: “Were you making out with the purple haired chick? Wtf dude not cool.”
Fritz: “UGH. I’m so pissed at you!”
Sophie: “Riiiight. That makes so much sense. Whatever loser, consider yourself dumped.”
Fritz: “W-what? No! Come back so I can break up with you! Uh I mean come back, my heart is broken. Like, really really broken. It totally hurts and stuff.”
Yeah. She didn’t fall for it.


Noelle is the only teen in the house without any personal drama going on, which is surprising considering it’s Noelle.
She’s taken quite a fancy to Morrigan, and it seems to be mutual! It’s also a bonus that she’s no longer chasing married/pregnant woman.
Nora (in background): “I’m eating an invisible di-“
Snowcone. It’s an invisible snowcone. Snowboner.


@ symbols and stars mean serious business!
Dorian: “I will slay you, foul and meaty hamplanet! How could I have been cuckolded by one such as you?!”
I think the other residents of Dragonvillelandplanet have been rubbing off on Dorian.


Dorian: “Yeah, that’s right prom date. Stay down and eat dirt.”
Or maybe not.


Hey, it’s Albert! The son of Archer and Shelly. Last time we saw him he was a boring looking child with very thick eyebrows. Looks like he has now grown into a hipster with slightly more acceptable eyebrows. He stares off broodily into the distance quite a lot, as if he is posing for the CD cover art of a band you’ve probably never heard of.


Uh, nice hair. I’ll have to fix that for him soon.


As soon as the adults got back from their adventures in whothefuckcaresville all hell broke loose. Laura was in the front garden yelling at Fritz, Lily was downstairs in the kitchen grounding Dorian and Patterns was upstairs flipping his shit at Noelle. He also apparently dislocated his wrists out of sheer rage.
Connor was sat on his ass playing videogames and surrounded by dirty plates.


Connor: “Haha, what is even going on? I don’t like shouting, it hurts my delicate feelings. Dorian, come over here and make a duckface whilst I continue to look perplexed.”
Connor remains oblivious to disciplinary measures.


No! That’s not for you, greedy maid! >:{
Sometimes I miss Bonehilda.


Lily hasn’t advanced in her career as a fisherwoman in a very, very long time. I would like to say that it’s probably because each fish is only worth like §20 and she needs §2000+ to advance, but actually it’s because whenever I click over to her she is doing asinine shit like this.
Lily: “Lol fuck fish I like leaves 4ever now.”


Dorian finally got his revenge in the cruelest way possible, which Fritz totally deserves anyway. At least this time his jealousy induced rage is a little justifiable.
Because you’re a loser and no one likes you, that’s why. Go back to the kitchen and rustle up some deep fried Doritos or something. Gosh.


Dammit, I love the scenery in Dragonplanetofthedragons. Even when it’s cloudy it looks totally gorgeous, especially in fall.
Anyway, so these two totally hooked up for real, it wasn’t just a trick to make Fritz weep hot bacon flavored tears.


The diva trait is strong in this one. Horrendously strong.
He never shuts up. Ever. I have to keep him occupied at all times otherwise he will just stand there and incessantly warble like a confused pigeon.


Dorian: “I’m a dog now.”
Ew. Furries.


Way to jump on the discipline wagon at the worse possible time, Connor.


AW HELL NAW. This does not sit well with me and I can only imagine the angst it is going to induce in Noelle.


Noelle: “I feel liiiiiike a mushroom in a forest of paiiiiiin! * instrumental solo *”
Noelle: “The forest is totally daaark and gnaaaaaarly! * death growls *”


I finally updated Dorian’s bedroom. It looks like shit because I’m horribly lazy and the room is an awkward shape. I figured a huge mirror and an obnoxious flashing sign would fit his diva trait quite well.


* whispers * Never forget.


I fixed Archer’s hair as soon as he arrived for Noelle’s birthday party because holy shit the style he aged into was vomit inducing.
Albert tried to photobomb the picture but didn’t have enough time to stand around looking broody before I snapped it. However, he can probably form a fantastic hair duo with his father.


Noelle: “Oh shit, I am totally not ready to start acting like a responsible adult!”
No one expects that from you anyway.


I had to capture what Noelle aged up into because it was so out of character for her. I love how Lily looks as if she is running to her daughter’s aid as if to free her from this mint monstrosity. She rolled brooding as her final trait.


That’s a little better.
Noelle: “Outta the way bitches, I’m even more of a badass now.”
Yeahright. Why don’t you go cause some anarchy in the shower again, you wild card who totally lives on the edge.


Noelle: “You made me feel bad feelings and it made me feel a lot like a mushroom in a forest of despair. I thought you loved me?!”
Miniature Laura in the background: “My book is more interesting than this teen bullshit lol.”


Morrigan: “I do love you, my glorious green mushroom! But I didn’t realise you felt the same way so in my angst I got engaged to the first person to ask me. But I’ll break it off!”
Noelle: “Awriiight, I scored me a babe.”


Time for some nightmares. You’re welcome.
Hello darkness my old friend~


Noelle decides not to waste time and pops the question before Morrigan decides to do that irritating thing guests are so fond of where they ‘lol bye’ without warning. Sorry for the terrible picture, they were standing right next to the outside wall so getting a decent angle was close to impossible.
“Morrigan, you are more beautiful than 50,000 slimy frogs lit by a full moon. Will you marry me?”


Morrigan: “Okay. But only if you tell me how you managed to get a hold of such a huge rock.”
Noelle: “It was on sale because someone swallowed it and getting it out again was-“
Morrigan: “On second thoughts, don’t tell me anything else.”
The important thing is that they are now engaged. Yay! Also I have NRAAS woohooer mod installed so they can totes have babies without adopting.


Of course our resident diva can’t stand not being the center of attention for more than a few seconds so this happened.


Noelle may take after Lily more than I originally thought.


For some reason Connor now has tattoos on his hands. I definitely don’t remember putting them there so I have no idea where they came from. I also suspect that the maid might be abusing him.


Nora: “We’re so hot together. I’m so attracted to you that I’m going to push my arm into and through your shoulder whilst doing an impression of a frog. Obby.”
Fritz: “Okay.”
He missed his sister’s graduation for this?


Everyone with social awareness: “Wow this is really embarrassing.
Patterns: “I am Patterns.”


Oh my god Morrigan is so adorable I actually want to punch her in the face.


I don’t think Noelle is really ready to be a professional.


Noelle: “Aww yeah, check out my ribbons and frills. So hardcore.”
Yeah, I need to change that outfit for her. In the meantime here is some other news from around town, followed by an heir poll:


Albert now has a younger sister! She isn’t called Krystal anymore though because the game crashed after I took this screenshot. Once I got back to this point and she was re-born, they gave her a different name which I forgot to write down or capture.


Another promotion for Patterns.


This happened before I got a chance to change Albert’s hair, which is why he looks different in this shot. But anyway, high-5 dude! Fiona must be a relation of Morrigan’s but I wont know what kind until she marries Noelle.


Some more of the townspeople are hooking up. These two aren’t default residents. I just dropped them in to bulk the town out a little bit more.



So now it’s time for the big vote. I have a feeling it’s going to be pretty close. Just so you know, I really don’t care about ‘perfect genetics’ or ‘gorgeous’ sims as that tends to make for a very boring legacy. So please vote for whoever you personally feel is the most interesting in terms of traits and LTW potential. We’re going for entertainment here, not plastic barbie sims (though none of the options really look like that anyway, thankfully).

Here is a brief outline of your options:

Noelle (currently a young adult).

Traits: Brave, light sleeper, hot headed, rebellious, brooding.

LTW: Master magician.

Possible spouse: Morrigan O’Reilly.

Fritz (currently a teen).

Traits: Disciplined, grumpy, over emotional, natural cook.

LTW: 5 star chef.

Possible spouse: Nora Lawless.

Dorian (currently a teen).

Traits: Disciplined, diva, schmoozer, eccentric.

LTW: Martial arts master.

Possible spouse: Sophie Dwyer.


I’m pretty excited to see what the outcome will be! I’ll give it a few days before I update again, just so that everyone has a chance to vote.

Thanks for reading!

Author: janeeyreforce

22 thoughts on “Chapter 2.11- Meat wands and an heir vote

  1. OMG Heir Poll! I’m so excited!

    I’m also excited because I just got Dragon Valley, and the Pixels are moving there. Awesome!

    I love this family. They’re the most effed-up non-ISBI family ever. I can’t believe how much craziness they get into. It’s fantastic!

    • The poll is so close at the moment! I’m excited to see who will win. I like them all so I am glad other people are doing the decision making for me. xD

      DRAGON VALLEY IS AWESOME. Glad to hear you got it! Have you had a chance to play it much yet?

      I love ’em too! Never thought I would last more than a generation with this legacy thing because I am such a procrastinator, but here we are.

      • I feel like my upcoming Heir Poll will be the same way. I’m SO GLAD I don’t have to make the decision on my own!

        OMG Only a little bit, but it’s beautiful! Even the townies are gorgeous! I haven’t seen any dragons… yet.

        I, for one, am super glad you’ve gone past the first generation. I’m shocked at my own ability to stick with one family… especially since I’m nearing generation 6 now! I’m a huge procrastinator, too… which is probably why I’ve been going at it for well over a year now. 😉

  2. I think Dorian should be the heir. He is really unique and cute.

  3. Ohlawd. Laura, this is onje of the funniest updates you’ve done in a long time. I’m crying. DOOOOOOOOVES YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH *black metal scream*.
    Fritz is such a poopoohead. I vote Dorian. I love Noelle, but Dorian is just so sassy. I want to see sassy kung fu adventures!

    • Golly goshums, thank you! ❤ I had a lot of fun writing this one because of all the ridiculous teen drama that was going on.

      Yeah man, fuck Fritz. The poll results are looking pretty close so far. I'll give it another 24 hours and then check on it again.

  4. Wait a minute here! After I voted I felt bad for Fritz, if I would have known I would have given him my vote, just so that he doesnt feel too neglected by us.
    Dorian! Dorian! Dorian!
    I just want a male heir, is that bad? lol

  5. Oh God, this is so difficult! I voted for Noelle but Dorian would also be awesome. I just love Noelle’s ~rebellious heart~ and fuck all attitude… but Dorian’s diva nature is hard to deny… btw, I never read legacy stories because they usually end up being pretty bland and too perfect, but yours is amazing! It’s inspired me to put more effort into my game (instead of my job or packing my house or what-have-you…)

    • They are still neck and neck at the moment, the suspense is killing me (mainly because I want to get back to playing this family)!

      Oh wow, thank you so much! That is lovely to hear and I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I really hate ‘perfect’ legacies that just focus on boring crap like genetics, so I try to keep mine interesting. P:

  6. NOELLLLEEEEEEEEE!!! And sorry for being so absentio. Imma back now :3 Haha when I was scrolling down and I saw the maid I was like “no one shows off that much of a cleavage without someone opposite ;)”.

  7. More comment catch-up…..

    OMG that family picture is horrifying! Glad the family isn’t corrupted or anything.

    Fritz is definitely a bitch! How rude, stealing your brother’s girlfriend like that. Good thing Sophie wised up and dumped Fritz’s sorry ass, then Dorian rightfully handed his ass to him! Then Sophie and Dorian started dating! SO MUCH DRAMZ OH NOES!

    Noelle and Morrigan are very cute together. Maybe it works because they stick it to the man with silly, harmless pranks together. (Also lol @ snowboner because dicks are always hilarious.)


    Aww boo Morrigan! Why would you do that?! Poor Noelle =( Though heartbreak did improve her drumming….and everything turned out okay for them in the long run.

    Bahahahaa “Meaty Wand”….oh dear. A fitting name for one who wears $6300 dresses and performs illusions, not tricks! COME ON! /Gob Bluth references

    Great chapter!!!! I am so sorry I missed the heir poll, but Dorian is going to be fantastic!

  8. Ah man – Fritz only got six votes! Bummer! I’m glad Dorian won, he was my second favorite. Although I totally love Noelle too.

  9. I’m with Elocine, this is a most awesome and messed up non-ISBI family, on par with the Langurds.

    Personally, I would have voted for Noelle, if I wasn’t really late (the poll is still open, btw). Fitz’s traits and LTW aren’t very exciting, and Dorian’s LTW I’ve seen done so many times. I don’t own Showtime, so always interested in watching other people figure out the weirdo performing careers. But I do love Dorian also; and like Heather, will be around for the next heir vote…

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