The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 2.7 – Tomb Raider

18 Comments

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Two updates in two days? This is new for me, I’m usually so lazy. Time for the quickest recap ever. During the last chapter Fritz aged up into a child (he rolled the over-emotional trait, by the way).
Wow.
Good job chapter.
Well done.
I’m hoping this installment will make up for the last time. If the previous chapter had a flavour it would taste like dust and broken dreams.
When we last saw him, Connor had managed to tear himself away from his usual nightly internet treat (Sticky cucumbers XXL) and booked a holiday for himself, Laura and the grandkids.
I hope he remembered to delete his browser history before leaving.

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…nope.
“You’re not the only one who uses that computer, you know. I’m not going to be romancing your cucumber anytime soon. Besides it seems obvious you’re capable of taking care of that yourself.”

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“I’ll make it up to you! I’ll give you anything you want!”
“…I want a divorce and a black lover.”
“Uh, I meant within reason. How about flowers? I pulled them out of my ass and everything! Those roots were stuck in real deep. Damn, that did not feel good.”
“OH MY PLUMBOB. FLOWERS. I’VE NEVER SEEN FLOWERS BEFORE LET ME INHALE THEM RIGHT. NOW.”

Laura decided to head out and find an adventure that the whole family could take part in.
The search for such an adventure involved Laura making unhappy faces at the locals until one of them took pity and sent her out into the nearby ruins to find a baseball.
A baseball.
I’ve decided that fish in the background is Lily in disguise because she owns one just like it. I don’t care if that doesn’t make sense. She frightens me and I just know she is capable of something like that. Go away Lily, nobody likes you.

okay.jpeg

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Whilst Connor was busy ignoring his grandchildren in favour of becoming one with the butterflies, Noelle decided that they were a rare type of flying food and immediately began eating them.
Connor’s screams could be heard for miles.

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Laura: “Okay guys I found us an amazing adventure! We’re going to the Celtic ruins to find…get this! A baseball! Isn’t that the most exciting thing ever?!”
Everyone else: * deadpan expressions whilst they die inside *

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I wonder if there are any hengehogs living here.
* is shot *

As soon as they arrive, Laura immediately abandons the family and begins digging in the dirt with a complete stranger because she doesn’t understand how to function like a normal person.
Great taste in shoes, though.

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Eventually Laura rejoins the group and they head down into the tomb together.
Something catches Noelle’s eye…

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Girl knows where it’s at. She heads straight for the huge pile of coins and shoves them into her socks before the rest of the group is any the wiser. They just assume the lumps are large tumours.

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A regular ‘Laura’ Croft she is not. Woah that ties in with the title. TOTALLY WASN’T PLANNING THAT AHAHAHAHA.
I feel that this chapter is slowly becoming dedicated toward chronicling Laura’s various facial expressions.

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The family becomes concerned and disturbed by the fact that Laura appears to be enjoying the mysterious delights of the tomb a little too much.
It’s been a long time since Connor has seen that particular expression on her face. [insert obnoxious winking smiley here]

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Noelle’s entire well-being comes to a screeching halt and she begins to have an emotional meltdown complete with existential crisis due to a stranger’s terrible body odour.
I thought Fritz was supposed to be the over-emotional one?

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There was an awkward moment in which I failed to locate a hidden door and assumed I had reached the end of the tomb, before realising that wasn’t the case at all.
I’m ashamed of how long it took me to figure that out.

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Laura: “Oh hello chiiiiild, I am a piece of magical foliage that has been given the gift of speech~! Tell me all your secrets~! Where did your grandpa hide your beautiful grandmother’s Dorito stash?”
Noelle: “Do I look fucking stupid?” * hard stare *
Yeah, Laura isn’t so great with kids.

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XXL cucumber withdrawal symptoms are never ever pretty.

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Laura has become overly attached to the bear she won at the fair a few days ago, and talks through it a lot (I often wonder if she has a hidden childish trait). I think she is getting ready to use it as a replacement for Connor.

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Two days later they finally find what they came here for. The baseball of all baseballs. The baseball to end all other baseballs. One baseball to rule them all. Ballzilla.
Or so Laura would have you believe.

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Turns out it’s just a regular mouldy piece of crap baseball covered in dirt and bugs.
This does not faze Laura at all and she merely shakes them off. But then it’s pretty hard to gross out a woman who is married to a man who insists that human orifices were made to be filled with home grown gourds.
Holy run-on sentence.

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I just love that throughout this entire escapade Laura has been filled with almost theatrical joy and awe whilst her family just mull around looking bored and unimpressed.
This is my favourite screenshot. It just sums up the whole trip so perfectly.

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Oh noooo.
I’m not concerned about the door. I’m worried about Fritz. I have a horrible inkling he may have inherited his mother’s completely expressionless face.
Ugh.

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Laura: “Here’s your baseball, now gimme those Visa points!”
Irrationally angry woman: “I hate baseballs now.” *grumble grumble *
Laura: “Wow, you’re a huge bitch. Bye.”

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As soon as Laura is out of sight…
Connor: “Oh plumbob, I’m gonna explode if I don’t-“
Let’s go away from this scene now.
Now.

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Much, much later…
This must be like an orgy for Connor. * retches *

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I have no idea why Connor was allowed access to the nectar collection. Especially considering the shit he got up to today whilst sober.

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See? I knew this wasn’t a good idea.
Poor Fritz. He’ll be traumatized. Not that you’d know it, considering he looks dead inside most of the time anyway.

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Huh. Looks like Fritz has more than one facial expression after all! I’m not falling for it though, his mother pulls this trick all the time and it always ends in crushing disappointment.

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That…that does not look comfortable. I’m pretty sure that you don’t need to completely dislocate or break your wrist in order to hold a fishing rod correctly.

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LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE.
Noelle almost looks like a real human at times, her face is so expressive! She also has an actual personality. Not to mention her LTW is to be a master magician! How cool is that?
Now look at Fritz. He looks dead inside and guess what else? He never rolls any wishes. Ever. I think he might be glitched. Whatever, he sucks. Loser.
I hope the third kid wont be like Fritz.

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Yeah, I have no idea what they were all getting so angry about. Let’s just assume it was a group hallucination or something, which would actually be fairly normal compared to the other stuff that happens around this family.

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I feel that elders always seem to look like their heads are too big for their bodies. Connor looks like a lollipop.

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The final evening ends with an intense game of chess. Well, intense and exciting for everybody except Fritz apparently. But who is really surprised by that?

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PEACE OUT, HOMESLICES.

Author: janeeyreforce

eggshelldays.blogspot.co.uk

18 thoughts on “Chapter 2.7 – Tomb Raider

  1. I laughed an inordinately large amount of time while reading this. XD Great job, I’ve definitely got this bookmarked and will be looking forward to updates. Conner and his Cucumber Fetish . . . it kills me. Every. Time.

  2. Janee the link to this chapter is broken on the HOME menu.

    Awww, I will miss Connor and Laura sooooooooo much. I could cry right now. Those pictures. T T

    • Ooh, I better fix that. Thanks for letting me know! Is the chapter at least showing up on the reader? It wasn’t for me.

      Yeah, I am really not looking forward to when they eventually pass away. 😥

      • 😥
        We can always have a Connor and Laura club. You can share your favorite pics and we can laugh at their silliness hahaha…*sigh* I’m going to miss them.

      • This is my first legacy too, so I never expected to get so attached. D: Hopefully they will be very active and sociable ghosts. Connor grew a life pear or something recently, so maybe I can use that to help them stick around a little longer. o: He’s only grown one so far, though.

      • OOH. I JUST HAD AN INTERESTING IDEA.

        Connor has a chemistry set, what if I kept making Young Again potions and set the challenge of ‘Founders must be alive throughout all 10 generations’? Haha. I dunno. Maybe I could put it to vote via poll?

      • I didn’t see this on my notifications >:

        I’m voting yes if you put it up for vote. I would love to see Laura and Connor meet their great-great-great-great….many great grand-children and who knows? Maybe one of them likes cucumbers as much as Connor. 😉

  3. “I’m not going to be romancing your cucumber anytime soon. Besides it seems obvious you’re capable of taking care of that yourself.”

    I can’t stop laughing

  4. “This does not faze Laura” <— I cannot even tell you how happy this simple line made me. The fact that you used the proper 'faze' instead of 'phase' made my day AND restored my faith in humanity. A bit. 😉

    Aww, I can't wait to see Laura age up. I'm not ready to let go of them, but I think she'll be an adorable elder.

    Like you, I was shocked by how attached I got to my founders. I don't think I would've liked having them around for the whole legacy, the house gets super crowded as-is, but I do sometimes miss them. However, they weren't as interesting/strange as Connor and Laura, so it might be fun for you to keep them around!

    • Ahh, I hate the incorrect usage of ‘faze’ and ‘phase’. I honestly have no idea how people manage to get the two of them muddled up. I know they sound the same, but the spelling is totally different!

      I think so, too. I might get her a walking stick. P:

      I feel like such a loser for getting attached, but the two of them have so much personality. ;_; I’m still fifty-fifty on keeping them alive, but on the other hand it isn’t something I’ve seen done before so it might be interesting. I’ll probably put it up for vote in a poll with the next chapter.

  5. Black lover. O lawd. Do iiit~ 😉 Or at least have her threaten to haha
    Great chapter, darl!

  6. This is fast becoming my favorite legacy. Laura is adorable!

  7. I was super busy and I didn’t have time to comment until now! Sorry!

    I HATE THAT BASEBALL MISSION. SO MUCH. Most of poor Auden’s first trip to France was all about that damn baseball. Ugh. I do love how Connor and Laura brought Fritz and Noelle along in the tomb. That likely won’t be traumatizing…

    Of course Connor would try to become one with the butterflies. It’s just natural. He can teach them about cucumbers. 😉

    Noelle is growing on me. She threw some great expressions this chapter! Fritz does need to step it up and stop being so robotic.

    Great chapter! Can’t wait for the next one!

    • Hey, don’t worry about it! I’m usually pretty late with my comments, too.

      Omfg I have so much blind hatred for baseballs now. I swear if I never see one again it’ll be too soon.

      I’m not sure I really want to think about the things Connor could get up to if he combined cucumbers and butterflies…

      Yeah, I wasn’t sure about Noelle at fist but she’s turning out to be really interesting. I’m not sure what’s going on with Fritz, he doesn’t ever roll any wishes or really do anything. I’ve tried using resetsim but that doesn’t seem to work. Good thing there’s an extra sibling on the way.

      Hopefully the next one will be ready soon-ish, provided my game doesn’t keep crashing!

  8. Late Comments Rock: Ahem – Connor is pretty funny, and I think he’s the most attractive elder sim I’ve ever seen! Noelle is awesome, and I think you’re being to hard on Fritz! I mean – not rolling wishes, that totally sucks – but otherwise? I like him a LOT!

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