The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 2.2 – See me rollin’


Welcome back to the Dorito scented Darroch legacy! Now also available in blazin’ jalapeno flavour.
In the previous chapter we got to see Lily’s fairly uneventful academic journey through University. As you may remember she suffered from some kind of temporary brain damage and failed horribly. Not that it really matters seeing as she will be spending the rest of her life fishing anyway.
Patterns was overjoyed to see that Lily had returned and immediately attempted to choke her with his tongue.
Also, Archer’s ex-girlfriend came over to visit (despite no one inviting her) and settled down to complete her homework in the corner of the living room. Okay then.

Lily decided it was time to make things a little more official. When she makes creepy facial expressions like this, I can really see the family resemblance she shares with her mother. Laura had the same unsettling expression when she proposed to Connor.
I bet Patterns is wishing he’d found that alien sugar daddy from the skies after all.

Or maybe not. Looks like Patterns believes that diamonds are a girl’s best friend. Or in this case a boy’s best friend. Or even an Imaginary Friend’s best friend.
I’ll stop now.

As soon as Lily had finished reassuring Patterns that there were more diamonds where that one came from, she decided to announce the news to Laura…who managed to pull herself out of a Dorito induced coma for long enough to awkwardly pat her daughter on the shoulder and give her the thumbs up.

…As did Connor. I think Lily’s expression says it all, really.
“I honestly don’t give a shit about anything other than cucumbers, dear daughter. Let me know if you marry any of those.”
“O-okay then.”

After the emotionally scarring responses to her big announcement, Lily decided it would be a good idea to leave the house for a few hours. Whilst in town she also headed to the City Hall and officially signed the documents that would allow her to spend the rest of her life fishing up whatever happened to be lurking in the family pond. I hope she can make a decent living selling Dorito packets.

Due to possessing the ‘proper’ trait, Patterns spends about 90% of his time in formal wear.
Turns out he needs to raise his charisma to get ahead in his chosen career path (business, for those of you who may need a reminder). He sort of just fumbles and flails awkwardly in front of the mirror for a few hours everyday, it’s almost painful to watch at times. Plus the photo of the unknown child is creepy as hell. I’m really worried that the Darrochs are going to wind up on ‘To catch a predator’.
Why don’t you take a seat right over there?

I realised that in order to get the baby makin’ underway, Lily and Patterns were going to need a decent bed. I suppose they could have borrowed Laura and Connor’s bed but that would be bordering on creepy, especially considering they were sleeping in it at the time.
Sooo, anyway! I built them a room at the back of the house and tried to give it a slightly rugged outdoorsy theme, in keeping with Lily’s hobbies.

I am irrationally jealous of the baby’s section of the room. It’s making me hate my apartment so much. I think I have stag envy.

It’s okay Patterns, Woo-Hoo really isn’t as horrific as it looks. I’m sure all those rumors about glitchy dislocated limbs beneath the sheets were just created to keep the sim population down.
Shhhh, go to bed now.

Lily apparently graduated from High School after completing university..?
I don’t even know why I question these things anymore. I’ve been playing long enough to know that logic is not something that exists in this game.

Archer has been seeing rather a lot of Holly. She’s been his girlfriend for three whole days now. That’s a new record!

Lily finally managed to coax Patterns into bed, despite his initial panic attack and his incredibly loud screaming about deformed limbs.

This is not the look of a couple caught in a Woo-Hoo induced haze of love. No, this is the look of a couple who have been traumatized and are attempting to smile through their tears.
Turns out all those rumors were true.

In true Darroch tradition, Lily initiates a hardcore pillow fight as soon as she realises she might be knocked up. She may look a lot like her father (that creepy 1000 yard stare), but she definitely acts more like her mother.

Shotgun wedding! Of course, Archer completely fails to remain in his formal attire for even a second. It’s just like prom night all over again.

Naturally, Laura turns up to her daughter’s wedding in nothing but a teeny-tiny bikini.
“Ain’t give a damn. You see me rollin’, you step aside.”

I’m not sure if Connor finds his wife’s antics hysterically funny, or if he is weeping with embarrassment. I’m pretty sure he’s not crying about his daughter’s wedding ceremony, considering Laura is completely blocking the view with her oddly patriotic ‘MURICA bikini, which may or may not be hiding a flock of eagles.
Fun story: In the days leading up to my own wedding (this was last August) my mother had me convinced that she was going to release a pair of Cornish doves during the ceremony. When she told me, I did that polite thing that painfully non-assertive people do where they say, “Oh…how, uh, lovely.” but use a tone that implies we really don’t think it is lovely and PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT.
Luckily, she was joking. She is quite the card, my mother.

What is it with this family and constantly being photobombed by wild horses and unicorns?
Oh well, I suppose there are worse things than a sweaty horses arse in your wedding photos. Such as the groom deciding to wear a towel instead of a suit.
Good one, Patterns.

There are just so many things wrong with this scene.
On the other hand, Laura crying half-naked during her daughter’s wedding might just be the best thing ever. I like to think she was upset when she realised her bikini did not come with a FREEDOM EAGLE.

Well, there needs to be at least one acceptable picture that lacks horse ass and sobbing half-naked mothers.

The fellow in the red shirt is actually Connor’s boss. At one point I was considering him as a possible candidate for Lily’s affections. Luckily Patterns turned out to be awesome.
Oh, and the fairy on the end is actually the older brother of the lady-fairy who Laura was friends with during earlier chapters, and the father of the redheaded stalker who sometimes frequents the Darroch household.
Just thought that was some interesting trivia.

“Come, Lily! Let us leave these plebeians behind and enter the cool embrace of the ocean!”
“Whatever. I’m going to catch fish with my bare hands and then gut them with my TEETH.”
A match made in heaven. 


For a moment, I honestly thought Patterns was going to enter the ocean whilst still in his suit.
Another fun story: I once went to college with a strange fellow who always seemed to be wearing a suit. One blazing hot day during the middle of July I decided to take a bike ride. This particular bike ride happened to take me past some kind of sports field. I looked over and did a double take.
There he was, in the full glare of the overwhelming summer heat, playing basketball in a full formal suit. In black, no less.
Sometimes I remember things like that and the antics of my sims don’t seem so odd.

For some reason, the idea of swimming in the rain right after getting married seems so romantic and fun to me. Although I’m sure it’s not so great in practice…probably very cold, and you really don’t want sand getting into all the wrong places with your wedding night ahead of you.
Don’t even get me started on the risks of crabs. Ga-chuckle.


Lily should have matched Patterns and worn this to the wedding instead. Those flippers are just so slimming, darling!

Lily started vomiting at the same time she was thinking about her wedding. This does not bode well, and these are quite probably the least romantic wedding photos in history.
Patterns seems to be insanely happy about his wife’s retching. I suppose we have another generation of nutjobs on our hands after all. Hooray.

Sorry about how dark this picture is, I really should have lightened it.
But anyway, it’s time for Archer to grow up into a responsible and committed (hah) adult!

Archer really does resemble a male version of his mother. You could tell during his teenage stage, but it’s even more obvious now. I always love it when that happens, just like how Lily looks like a female version of her father.
Anyhow, this seems like a good place to finish up for now.
Next chapter: BABIES. BABIES FOR EVERYONE. So stay tuned!
Thanks for reading!

I should probably mention that both Lily and Archer will be available to download soon, hopefully by the next update. However, Laura and Connor are available!


Author: janeeyreforce

16 thoughts on “Chapter 2.2 – See me rollin’

  1. Their wedding looked so fun! I love it when sims do/wear weird stuff. The joys of having their free will turned all the way up xD

    • It’s the sole reason I love free will so much. They will always do the most idiotic stuff possible!

      • I know! Oh gosh, you’ll see it in all its glory in a much later chapter of mine. But recently one of my sims broke the dishwasher an the other tried to fix it but electrocuted himself then ran outside in the rain and stood there for like, 2 hours. He also now runs EVERYWHERE. It’s great.

      • That sounds hilarious!

        Weird how you mentioned the running thing. I have another sim I play as sometimes when I want to take a break from this legacy, and one day I told her to streak. Ever since then she just runs everywhere whilst yelling and flailing her arms everywhere. I think it’s a glitch but it’s so funny I don’t want it fixed!

  2. “Well, there needs to be at least one acceptable picture that lacks horse ass and sobbing half-naked mothers.” but still keeps the charm of a groom in towel. šŸ˜‰

    He is too sexy for his shirt, that’s why!!
    Archer soon for download. I’ll be there in first road… lol.
    Great chapter, as always you make me laugh with your sense of humor that is so familiar in these lands I roam, although I lack the ability to express it in my writing successfully. I like you mom, she really had you going there for a minute… ha! cute.

    • Ooh, I forgot to mention Patches will be up for download, too! All 3 of them should be ready by my next update.

      Thank yoooou! Yeah, my mum is quite the trickster. I think I inherited her slightly off-kilter humour.

  3. I think it’s a supernatural or gnome prank when they wear the towel. It always says something about their clothes being stolen. How unfortunate for patches!


    Call it something daft!

    Also, doesn’t your dear hubby hate you for making his sim obsessed with cucumbers (and occasionally orifices).

    • Ahh, that explains it! I don’t remember getting a pop up, but I have the NRASS story progression mod so I often close pop ups too quickly. I could have missed it.

      Haha! Luckily for me my husband also has a strange sense of humour, so he finds his sim-self antics hilarious! He probably expects this sort of thing from me by now.

  4. Commenting at an appropriate time FTW!

    I loved Laura and Connor’s reactions to Lily and Patterns getting engaged. They are just so enthusiastic!

    Aww, poor repressed Patterns. Woohoo isn’t so bad! Eventually you only lose one limb per session!

    The inappropriate wedding attire was great! Laura’s AMURRIKAH bikini really needs an eagle or two. And Patterns getting married in his towel was just too cute.

    Archer is a handsome fellow! Will he be moving out or staying at home?

    Looking forward to your next chapter! šŸ˜€

    • That wedding is hands-down the most entertaining one I’ve seen in all my years of playing this game. I am going to be sooo sad when Laura and Connor eventually pass on. I try so hard not to get too attached!

      I have a feeling that Archer may have to move out in order for me to retain my sanity. Especially if he ends up getting married. I don’t mind dealing with a full house, but I need room for Lily and Patterns to have like a million babies or something. I will be sad to see him go, though!


  5. Iā€™m sure all those rumors about glitchy dislocated limbs beneath the sheets were just created to keep the sim population down. <— This. It killed me. Especially since I've seen beneath the sheets (my camera actually got stuck at that angle once, it was awful) and it's some scary stuff!

    Your Mom sounds hilarious! I would probably have freaked out about the whole thing, though.

    I can't believe your proper Sim got married in a towel. Fantastic!

    • Holy shit, the first time my camera got stuck I nearly screamed! That stuff is freaky, yo.

      My mum is quite the character. There is never a dull moment with her, that’s for sure!

  6. Pingback: Chapter 3.4 – Carry on creeping | The Darroch Legacy

  7. The Proper Sim, who spends most of his time in his formal suit, wears a towel to the wedding? Oh, Sims!Logic never fails to amuse. This was a hilarious wedding. Most of my sims ones turn out boring, but all these legacy ones I’m reading are awesome. Maybe I should make some less boring simmies… oh wait, there was the one wedding where the vampire groom almost died while waiting for the guests to watch him under the arch. Serves me right for wanting a daytime summer wedding for a vampire, hey?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s