Chapter 1.7 – Hatred and wasps

April 10, 2013 by janeeyreforce 7 Comments

Welcome back to the Darroch legacy! The last time we saw them, Archer finally aged up into a teenager, Lily threw a party for all three of her friends and the adults returned from their dirty weekend away. All in all, it was fairly eventful.
Connor has once again woken up with the insatiable urge to take another family outing. However, our gourd obsessive didn’t bother cooking breakfast this time. So, with grumbling stomachs and hatred burning in their eyes the Darroch family head out for a day of forced fun.
They look so overjoyed by this prospect.

As soon as the ice rink is discovered at the park, Connor takes this as a sign to begin a very moving and elegant interpretive dance routine. It was so moving in fact, that everyone watching proceeded to vomit in their mouths and cry.

Archer also began practicing his moves. On a much older lady, I might add.

Surprisingly out of the entire Darroch clan Laura was the one to show the most promise on the ice rink. She started busting out some sweet moves as soon as she got her skates on.

There is nothing in the world that gives Laura more joy than being able to completely upstage her loved ones, whilst also annihilating their dreams of becoming superstars of the ice rink.
Laura thrives off of crushed dreams and Doritos. She’s great at parties.

Drawn to the sobs of emasculation emanating from her husband, Laura decided to skate over and rub more salt into the wound. However, the look of crushing defeat in Connor’s eyes penetrated the lump of coal that passes for Laura’s heart and they shared a sappy moment, causing onlookers to have much the same reaction they had to Connor’s earlier dancing attempts.

Laura’s attempts to teach Connor the ways of the ice ended exactly as predicted.
Actually…this accident looks a lot like a dramatic interpretive dance. Perhaps our emerald pleasure rocket obsessive has talent after all.

Anyway, the Darrochs have a collective attention span akin to that of a puppy with ADHD and the ice rink is soon forgotten. Instead, they decide to celebrate the birthday of a complete stranger, most likely turning what should have been a lovely day into a harrowing experience for the poor child. Just look at the expression on Connor’s face! It is composed of hatred and wasps.

Woah dude, the 50’s called and they want their sideburns back.
I always find the jump from child to teenager kind of jarring.

Turns our Laura isn’t the only one with some mad skillage. Archer manages to sate his craving for the flesh of older woman just long enough to start showing off.

Of course, Laura hates being upstaged so the family were forced to leave as soon as Archer started showing promise. No one wanted to see Laura flinging her feces around in a blind rage.
They look so normal in their family portrait. ~wistful sigh ~
Well, aside from Lily looking like a giant.

Lily decides to take a shot at the Sim’s aptitude test. Something about her facial expression suggests that perhaps she is a long way off from being ready for uni just yet.

Lily decides to invite that Max fellow over. You know, the one who showed up to the party she threw. He is really boring and I don’t think Patterns approves. Though it is heard to tell from this picture considering he is blatantly checking out Lily’s ass. IF’s really creep me out sometimes all of the time.

I think holiday lights might be one of my favorite features. Maybe I am easily impressed but I think they make the house look adorable! They also distract me from the fact that I’ve once again built a rectangle. Build mode and I aren’t really on good terms with each other. Our animosity towards one another has been present since the first Sims game.

Archer is finally working on those pieces of string dangling from his shoulders. Maybe one day they will become mighty meat truncheons.

Lily figures the best way to win Max’s heart is to completely and utterly terrify him by telling him the horrific tale of where she eventually found her father’s cucumbers. I’m sure we all remember THAT incident. In fact, that is what it will be known as from now on. ‘The incident’.

Oddly, it seemed to work. Or at least it did at first. Lily made the mistake of continuing to talk about the antics of her family, shortly after which Max made his excuses and left in a hurry.

Patterns had been mournfully staring into the fire the entire time during Lily’s clumsy attempts at romancing Max. I’m not entirely sure if I should be feeling sorry for him, or feeling very afraid. We could have a Carrie situation on our hands here.

Just after Max made a wise retreat, Laura finally achieved her lifetime wish of becoming an Illustrious Author! She looks slightly confused/worried here. SADSKFSFS SHE IS SO ADORABLE I JUST WANT TO LOVINGLY PUNCH HER SOMETIMES.

Forever alone together. Perhaps Max really wasn’t the one, and maybe Lily should be looking a little closer to home?

Laura continued her sudden streak of being adorable. Honestly, it might not seem like it a lot of the time but if I leave these two alone for a second this is all they do. This and endlessly WooHoo.

“So what are we doing here? Building you a new boyfriend?”
“Shut up.”
“At least this one can’t run away, I guess.”
“Shut. Up.”

This is the most beautiful thing ever in the history of everything that has ever happened. Ever. The aurora borealis ain’t got nothing on this.
I ❤ the smustle.

Connor apparently took some time away from his cucumber fetishization and did something rather lovely for his daughter. But for now, the contents of that gift will remain a secret. Though I’m sure some of you will be able to guess, given my not so subtle foreshadowing.

Archer rolled up the wish to throw a party for no reason, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. Maybe he could find a potential girlfriend closer to his own age.

That’s right, Archer. Automatically target the girl who knew you as a child and who also has a crush on your older sister. That’s not creepy at all.

Hey! It’s that witch who almost speared Lily with his broomstick! Wow. This party is becoming more awkward by the second.

Archer clearly has no idea what is going on. This is his first encounter with a Karaoke machine and he finds it disturbing. It is possible that he believes this is an alien encounter and his rectum is in danger of being probed at any second.

Apparently if you get caught by the police after curfew the natural reaction is to do an impression of Michael Cera.

It is the middle of the night and there is a blizzard blowing outside. Most people would prefer to be tucked into their beds in such a situation. But not Connor. No. He must appease the gourd gods with the snow angel prayer ritual.

NO ARCHER. NO. STOP BEING CREEPY.
I believe there might be a hidden creeper gene within the Darroch family.

Well, I’m sorry there was such a delay with this chapter. Hopefully that wont be the norm for very long, though~! Thank you for your patience.