The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 1.3 – Golden gourds


Hello and welcome back to the Darroch legacy! When we last saw the household, Connor and Laura were trying for a second baby and Lily Eve had entered toddlerhood.
Despite initially feeling as broody as Laura, Connor is starting to regret agreeing to a second child. You see, Lily Eve turned into a crapping machine. It’s all she seems to to. Granted, this means she became potty trained insanely quickly but I’m starting to think she may have IBS.
“I hate my life so hard right now.”
I know, Connor. I know. But it’s amusing so keep being unhappy. Cry for the readers. Cry for them!

Child wonder here seems to be taking after her mother more and more everyday. Those blocks are just too much for her. She’ll reach great heights with that soaring intellect of hers.

“Thank you for this lovely meal, Connor. You’re such a lovely hus- *hack, cough, choke*
“Ahahaha! YES! Eat up. I promise you that strange flavour is just a new herb, and not one of my many potions.”
I’m starting to think Connor might be feeling bitter about this second pregnancy.

I feel as if I don’t include enough pictures of the family pet. But to be honest he doesn’t do much of anything other than yowl for food he doesn’t need, reject all forms of affection and sleep for most of the day. He’s just a fluffy lump of lard.

Laura makes a swift recovery and decides to walk off the remaining symptoms caused by the questionable spaghetti. Unlike last time, Laura actually seems to be enjoying this pregnancy. Either that or she’s thinking about a giant bag of Doritos.
…Probably the latter.

She takes every opportunity to announce her pregnancy to any stranger who will listen.
“Oh congratulations! Say, you look familiar…”
“Well, I suppose I just have one of those faces.”
“No, I’ve definitely seen you before. Wait a second! Didn’t I catch you eating out of my bin?!”
Ah, Laura.

Apparently during all that socialization, Laura must have been schmoozing with a few celebrities because now the paparazzi will NOT stop following her. It drives me nuts, because they do nothing but stand around on the property and flip their shit whenever Laura so much as farts.

Shortly after getting home, Laura went into labour!
My first attempt at capturing a tender moment was thwarted when she got photo bombed by a wild horse. Totally stealing Laura’s thunder. I mean, come on!

Eventually the horse swiftly galloped off into the imaginary sunset like a true diva. What a drama queen.
Anyway, meet Archer Darroch! He was born with the athletic and slob traits locked in. I predict a future of frat houses and FOOTBAWL for this little chap. His favourite music is pop, he loves the colour red and has overwhelming cravings for goopy carbonara.

“Oh. Another one. Well that’s just swell. I’m so happy. If you don’t mind, it’s that time of day where I stare off into oblivion for a few hours and ignore everything around me.”
Okay dear. You do that.

“I just have so many FEELINGS right now. Also, my breasts feel tender and I can’t control my flow of angry tears! I feel so ugly and bloated!”
Shortly after this outburst, Connor proceeded to roll up the desire to spend 1000 simoleans at a day-spa.

Laura was oblivious to all of this, as she is to most things. She decided to display a stunning lack of empathy by digging up Connor’s prized pumpkin and begin carving various phallic shapes into it whilst giggling uncontrollably to herself. No wonder Connor is dead inside.

Lily Eve’s birthday rolls around the next day, complete with the usual ensemble of unusual and regularly inappropriate guests. The Indiana Jones lookalike decided not to show up when he heard grilled cheese was not on the menu. The others cheered internally upon hearing this news. His intense, gooey cheese loving stare made them feel awkward and exposed.

Lily Eve still hasn’t shown much of an interest in socializing with her fellow humans. Instead she is still completely fascinated by her imaginary friend, Patterns.
Or maybe she’s just freaked out by the hovering toddler. IT IS A MYSTERY.

Luckily, Connor snaps out of his most recent mood swing just in time. Allowing Lily Eve to enter  childhood without any daddy issues.

“Let me eat your hair. I have an allergy to cake and I’m hungry.”
Of course, this was followed by Connor staring into space again before he finally allowed Lily Eve to become a child. After which he ascended into the sky and finally became one with the twinkling stars as he had wished for so long.
Okay, so I made that last part up.

As she grew into childhood, Lily Eve rolled the trait of loner which didn’t really come as much of a surprise. It also looks as if she inherited her father’s ability to see through time if this photo is anything to go by. I’m unnerved enough by one of them, I think two of them may mark my descent into insanity.
Also, she grew up wearing formal attire. No idea why.

* sigh * Despite first impressions, she may actually be more like her mother.

I’m sorry Lily, but your father had an emotional break down and insisted that only the finest of cucumber slices could grace his eyelids. So due to that financial blow I’m afraid you’ll be napping in a sleeping bag for the foreseeable future.

Oh god, please stop staring into my soul. I swear this isn’t my fault!

Here is a slightly less terrifying photo of Lily Eve. I like it because I don’t feel as if she is judging me. For some reason the lighting in her room makes her look psychotic and causes me to assume the fetal position.

“So after your brother was born, I discovered my love for day spas and overpriced gourds.”
“…What? Uh, dad, I thought you were supposed to be helping me study?”
“Ugh, alright then. Here is an educational task for you. Head down to the store and buy me a huge bag of cucumis sativus.”

Connor wakes up the next morning with an overwhelming urge to cook pancakes and spend time with the family. Apparently he turned into a stepford wife overnight. Luckily for him, it happens to be leisure day and therefore his wishes can be granted.

“So kid, you like fishing? You should join the scouts so I can have more alone time, uh, I mean so you can better yourself. Yeah.”

Lily Eve seems to be pretty excited by her mum’s suggestion and promptly heads over to the computer to begin completing her membership to the scouts.
“Yuck! Why is the keyboard covered in this smelly orange dust?!”
You better get used to it, kid.

True to his word, Connor takes the family out for a day trip into the nearby mountains. Lily is thrilled and immediately shows off her natural aptitude as an angler by catching a ton of gross fish, completely obliterating her parent’s own feeble attempts.

Eventually, Laura and Connor tire of being out done by a child (though Laura at least should be used to it) and decide to end the evening by toasting up some marshmallows over a campfire.

Of course, anything involving the Darroch family has to go horribly wrong at some point. The full moon also begins to make an appearance, so despite Lily’s protests the family head back home. In a stunning display of terrible parenting, the adults head home in a taxi whilst Lily is left to cycle home through the zombie infested streets.

Lily rolled up the lifetime wish of owning the ultimate aquarium which requires having 13 different types of perfect fish. She is now one step closer!

End of Chapter 1.3.


Author: janeeyreforce

9 thoughts on “Chapter 1.3 – Golden gourds

  1. I love the picture of Lily looking right at the camera, and you see the creepy child in the toy box hahaha.
    The legacy is turning out so adorable with the kids growing, that is the best part of having babies in the sims, when they grow and you start seeing the similarities to their parents more and more.

  2. Great update! Lily is a very cute if slightly evil child. I cracked up with the photobombing horse and poor Connor’s outburst. Too funny! I’m looking forward to seeing Archer growing up! I bet he’ll be a total bro. 😀

  3. I didn’t even notice the toddler hiding in the toybox until I saw the other comment! Hilarious!

    I really like Lily so far, even if I do agree that she and Connor are a bit terrifying. Can’t wait to see Archer grow up, I think he’ll be a nice contrast!

  4. The last picture is pretty ominous. I can’t help but worry about the future of Lily Eve’s fish collection. I’m also pretty excited to see Archer age into a toddler. 🙂

  5. lol its funny you mentioned his traits and figuring he’d be into football and frat houses. I can imagine a box full of pizza boxes and beer cans all over the damn place already. Archer is a cute name though 🙂

  6. Lily has purple eyes! So cute!

    And I freaking love that Connor wears socks to bed. Not sure if you or EA did that, but it’s genius. The type of detail that I always neglect on my sims, but love on others – Heather had some of her spouses wearing socks to bed, too.

    Wow, one day of fishing and she already has a perfect fish? Go Angler trait, that’s awesome.

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