Chapter 1.6 – Sack of wet mice

April 5, 2013 by janeeyreforce 13 Comments

Welcome back to the Darroch legacy! In the previous chapter Laura reached full adulthood, Lily became a rather striking teenager, pranks were pulled and Mango the cat produced an impressive erection. Oh, and Connor transformed into a cucumber through the power of photoshop.
I wanted to update this yesterday, but sadly I was overrun with paperwork at the office. Parliament is supposed to be in recess, yet my workload has tripled. Okay then.
However, today seems to be quiet enough so let’s get this underway. After having a couple of days off to adjust to their new bodies (at least I assume that’s why after aging up sims seem to have time off) I finally get Archer and Lily onto the school bus. But not before both of them stood in the middle of the living room for 2 sims hours, doing nothing but clapping their hands and laughing at nothing. It’s becoming fairly obvious they’ve inherited their parents staggering intelligence.

I usually hate the paprazzi but I have to make an exception for this one. This is the first time I’ve managed to capture it, but she has been in front of the legacy house like this on a daily basis. She looks totally out of her mind with joy, and I can’t help but think she was hired out of sympathy because she never does her job and is clearly about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.

There is a village out there somewhere that is being severely deprived of its idiot. She only slept for a few minutes before returning to cavorting across the lawn, but was clearly still exhausted as she then proceeded to pass out for a second time.
I am tempted to marry her into the Darroch family as she would fit right in, but sadly she is too old.

Hmm, I think I’ll see what Mango is up to, he’s always such a cute little-
UGH. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I continued to watch him with morbid fascination. Pausing every so often to absorb his incredible majesty and almost ethereal beauty.

‘THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM.’
He’s like a beautiful exotic flower, giving pleasure to the senses. Such poise, dignity and grace! His yowls are like the most beautiful music ever heard, too good for mortal ears.
Mango: Feline. Pet. Legend.

Coated in the blood of his victims, the great and mighty Mango heads to the closest source of water for sustenance and cleansing. The circle of life continues.

Unlike her parents, Lily gets the occasional urge to progress and become a better person. So she applied for a job at the local morgue. Her first day was incredibly traumatizing, mostly due to the fact that several of the bodies she came across during her initiation appeared to have cucumbers in places where cucumbers should not go.
Suddenly, Connor’s obsession with gourds achieved the impossible and became even creepier.

Mango continues to display his swan-like grace. Archer seems to have become quite close to him, most likely because Mango provides the most stimulating conversation in the house. Laura only ever wants to talk about Doritos or her latest attempts at terrible poetry, Connor can only communicate through cucumbers and Lily is still insistent that Archer’s hair is a sentient being.
I would rather befriend the cat, too. The entire household is as mad as a box of frogs.

Laura and Connor are still away on vacation and so Lily decides to throw a small party. She finally managed to make a few friends at school which was a relief to everyone as she was in danger of becoming a hermit. It would also help to lift her spirits after that hideous and mentally scarring first shift at the morgue. Although she did manage to get a promotion to cucumber remover.

One of Lily’s new friends (I think her name was Katie) immediately made her intentions fairly obvious, and the feeling was definitely mutual. As soon as he saw this occurring, Patterns stormed off in a huff. Lily was completely oblivious to her imaginary friend’s jealously and proceeded to invite her guests inside.

Ah, pizza. The staple food of house parties everywhere.
“Oh my plumbob. Who asked for a cucumber topping? WHY CAN’T I GET AWAY.”
Lily proceeded to fall into a deep depression and stood staring at the pizza for a long time. Her eyes looked haunted.

Eventually the guests managed to pry the box from Lily’s grasp. Confused and concerned glances were exchanged all around as Lily proceeded to hide the insulting topping within the dark depths of Archer’s hair, before announcing the pizza was now safe for consumption.
Archer practically inhaled his slice. Seriously, I swear he had already eaten half the pizza before the rest of them had even finished swallowing their first bites.

I was momentarily distracted by Archer’s seemingly bottomless stomach when I noticed Lily and Max getting a little closer.Lily must have the memory of a goldfish because her initial attraction to Katie had been completely forgotten about.
I’m disappointed. Katie is much prettier than Max.

This particular guest was late to the party, and upon arrival she immediately began creepily staring at Max and Lily. I’m not entirely sure if it was intense jealously or if she had perhaps entered some sort of vegetative state due to the brilliance of the party blowing her mind.

Eventually, Patterns returned to the party with the tell-tale sign of ice cream around his mouth and the smell of bitter tears still clinging to him. Lily decided to tactfully ignore the fact that she had heard Patterns singing along to Connor’s collection of 80’s love ballads from the locked confines of her bedroom, and invited him to dance.

Katie passed out from the staggering pain of rejection.
Actually, she just gorged herself on pizza, laughed at nothing for the majority of the party, clapped her hands a lot and THEN fell asleep. I have an inkling she may be a relative of that female paparazzi from earlier in the chapter…

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie…be you vegetable or human?
I nearly died of shock when she finally moved from the living room and into the bedroom. I assumed she was paralyzed.
Anwyay, she stayed seated in the chair ALL EVENING. Just staring at the wall and rocking. She would not leave even when Lily told everyone to go home. It was creepy.

SHE MOVED. SHE MOVED AND EXPRESSED EMOTION.
So, Ellie is in fact not a carrot. As the sun began to rise she headed outside into the garden and began playing with the sprinkler system whilst everybody else was asleep.
She was still there when Lily and Archer woke up, although by that point she’d moved on from the sprinkler and was staring at them through the window whilst they ate leftover pizza.

Well, if you can’t beat your creepy stalker, join ’em.
Though it figures that as soon as Lily decided to join Ellie she took that as her cue to leave. Perhaps the Darroch family has acquired a stalker. Or perhaps Ellie mistook them for wild animals (an easy mistake to make) and is merely observing them as part of school project.

As soon as he arrived home from his sensual vacation with Laura, Connor flew into an insane rage when he discovered his precious cucumbers had been over watered due to sprinkler system being left on all night.
“This is the last time I EVER leave you at home unattended! You killed my babies! I’m grounding you for life!”
“No, please! I’ll help you grow new cucumbers!”
“IT’S NOT THE SAME. * hysterical weeping * You’re grounded.”
“Actually, no I’m not. I know where you’ve been sticking those cucumbers! I made a terrible discovery during my first shift at the morgue, and unless you unground me I’m going to tell mum.”
Needless to say, Connor had a very quick change of heart and even extended Lily’s curfew before rushing out to salvage what he could of his emerald pleasure rockets.

True to form, Laura remained blissfully ignorant of everything around her.

Late last night, Lily found the scissors and set to work on trying to discover the secrets she believed to be contained within Archer’s hair.
Both parties came away from the experience feeling angry.

Tufts of hair in hand, Lily had run out into the night convinced that if taken to the right place they would finally reveal their secrets to her.
The police eventually found her waste deep in pig manure which she was apparently using to fashion the hair into a small and smelly beard.

With her attempts at transforming into a wizard foiled by the police, Lily arrived home just in time for Archer’s birthday!
He looks thrilled.

Archer rolled ‘hopeless romantic’ as his fourth trait. I don’t know if I remembered to mention his third trait when he aged into a child. It was ‘friendly’.
He looks a lot like a male version of Laura! Though the shape of his eyes seem to have come from Connor. I’m not entirely sure who he inherited the nose from, however.

Archer is destined to become a FOOTBAWL playing jock, and is constantly rolling up wishes involving jogging and working out. Good thing too, because he’s puny as shit right now. A strong gust of wind could snap those arms like twigs.

As soon as Archer aged into a teenager, Laura immediately went out into the garden and began watching her family creepily through the window for a few hours. First Ellie, and now our founder! There must be something in the water.
~End of Chapter 1.6~

Some of you may remember during my last entry that I mentioned one of my photographs is going to be featured in an upcoming auction. Well, the gallery is now online and you can view it here:

http://www.charlottedavisprojects.com/Truro-Festival-1-13-April-2013

Mine is the piece entitled ‘Birdmad Girl’. You have to scroll down a little ways to see it, or just use ‘ctrl f’ to search for it! Exciting!