The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 1.5 – The Holy Pleasure Rocket

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Welcome back to the Darroch legacy! It hasn’t been all that long since we last saw them, but if you’re anything like me then you might need a bit of a recap. My mind is like a sieve, I tells ya.
If I recall correctly, during the previous chapter Lily caught a lot of fish, Archer aged up into a child, Laura ignored her children and Connor continued to fill the garden with erotic paraphernalia.
I feel this photo needs an explanation. Basically, I forgot all about Patterns and assumed my game had glitched so I snagged a screenshot only to click over to Lily immediately afterwards and have a minor heart attack when Patterns seemingly materialized out of nowhere.
…Onwards!

Lily often chooses to do her homework in the company of Archer. How sweet, right? Wrong. Lily believes that Archer is hoarding many secrets inside that magnificent weave of his and she plans to get ahold of them under the guise of sisterly friendship.
“I know that afro has the answers to my algebra test…”
“Huh? Did ya say somethin’, Lily?”
“Ack! No, nope, nada. Zilch. Hey, do you mind sitting a little closer? I can’t answer this homework question until I get a closer look at your hair follicles.”
“…I should have run away the day I learned to walk.”

But before Lily can receive the answer she desperately needs in order to avoid detention, Laura insists on having her birthday.
“Hoo-boy, what should I wish for? Happiness for my children? A promotion for Connor?”

“Nah, screw that! I wish for a lifetimes supply of Doritos and a worldwide ban on cucumbers! Take that, Connor!”
Her husband’s screams could be heard far and wide as he ran from the house to check on his beloved green phallus collection, gathering them into his arms and weeping as he wandered off to find a safe hiding place far from the eyes of those who would seek to destroy their love.

Unaware of the effect her careless joking had inflicted upon Connor’s fragile psyche, Laura aged up into an adult (hah). Aside from a few extra lines she looks exactly the same as before, and she’s clearly relieved by this, as was I. I’m not sure I could cope with another caved in face haunting the darkest reaches of my subconscious. I’m still waking up in a cold sweat due to Connor’s birthday.

I figured Laura could use a makeover considering she had been wearing the same dress throughout her entire life as a young adult and it seemed a little too young for her. Now she has a slightly more mature look. It doesn’t seem to have effected her personality, however. Eating belly button lint is still her number one activity.

“Has anyone seen my prized pleasure rocket…uh…I mean cucumber? It’s THIS big and pretty HARD to lose. I spent a LONG time growing it and I would just feel so EMPTY INSIDE without it!”
Connor is swiftly becoming my favourite sim.

Not long after Connor had returned from his quest for the Holy Grail of the Cucumber and Laura decided to begin a midlife crisis, Lily announced her birthday. She decided to celebrate quietly due to the fact that she had made no friends whatsoever at school. However, Patterns was around to creepily watch her age up. Ew.

Laura missed the entire thing due to being glued to the mirror. You know all that frowning will only give you more wrinkles, right?
“Shut up! I am a beautiful and delicate young flower.” * muffled sobs *

Lily Eve surprised me by growing up to be quite lovely. I feel quite disarmed by that and can’t subject her to my usual smartassery. I think she looks a little bit like Liv Tyler, but only a tiny bit. I think it’s the hair.
This is precisely why I enjoy legacies. The sims I make in CAS all look the same, but seeing a mix of genetics is always way more interesting. You end up with sims that are pretty, but not in the usual generic way.
Anyway, I feel like I should make the Darroch family available for download once the kids age up into adults. What is the best way to go about doing this?
Oh, and Lily rolled the neurotic trait. So now she spends a lot of her time checking the stove and freaking out. Yay!

Her pajamas. I couldn’t resist.

To my surprise, I noticed that Laura’s attempts at writing were actually starting to pay off and there were a notable amount of spare simoleons rattling about. I decided this money would be best spent on a pond for Lily, so she could go fishing without having to worry about curfew.
Laura wasn’t too happy about this and promptly began throwing her empty Dorito’s packets in there out of spite.

Two down, eleven to go! Luckily Mango has not managed to introduce the fishies to his stomach just yet.

So far, Lily’s hobbies include reading…

Blogging about sexy adventures in the workplace (???)…

…and creepily watching her family whilst they eat. I have a feeling she may have picked up this particular habit from either Patterns or Connor.

Archer doesn’t have very many friends either. I don’t understand why! If I were still a young whippersnapper I would love to hang around someone who is completely convinced their sofa is a car. I mean, who wouldn’t? He’s clearly having a blast!

I figure it couldn’t hurt to send Lily out into the town to scour the place for potential mates, however the place seems to be empty. Just as I am starting to lose hope, she almost gets ripped in half by some Harry Potter wannabe on a broomstick.

Being the sheltered and strange moon child that she is, Lily’s attempts at social interaction don’t go beyond ‘hey, look at this cool video I found. Let’s watch it in uncomfortable silence together’. Apparently this is supposed to be a video about cats. Yeah. Okay then.

However, it seems to go down well and her new friend approves of this strange social tactic. I, on the other hand, would feel cheated. If someone promised to show me a video about cats then I would feel bitterly disappointed if I was forced to watch an episode of ‘Gardener’s world’ instead.
Anyway, it turns out this fellow is happily married and way too old for Lily anyway. Boo.

Archer was starting to develop an unhealthy and all consuming obsession with the sofa, so I decided to distract him by purchasing a tree house to direct his interests in a more healthy direction. The last thing the Darroch family needs is another sim with odd habits.

“I know you know what I want to know, you know.”
“Lily, what the hell are you talking about?”
“Shut up, Archer! I’m not talking to YOU, I’m talking to that strange creature that lives on your head.”
“…I hate my life.”

Laura and Connor won a free holiday in a competition they had never entered. Both of them are in possession of a faulty moral compass so rather than correct the mistake they went whizzing off to lands unknown, leaving Lily in charge.
This picture is a fairly accurate indication of whether that was a good decision.

It’s 2spooky4me day and Lily woke up to discover her hormones had gone totally insane. Due to her mood swing she kept rolling up very rebellious desires, so I sent her over to the neighbor’s house to beg for candy in the hope of distracting her.

However, she doesn’t seem to have inherited her mother’s overwhelming desire for unhealthy snacks and decided she’d much rather vandalise this lovely home instead. The only person inside was a random child who is now suffering severe psychological trauma caused by Lily’s antics.
I’m proud of her. Go Lily!

Splattered and ruined. Just like that frightened child’s mind.

“Not this again. Patterns, I really can’t concentrate when you stare at me like that.”
“…”
“Please. Go. Away.”
“…”
“If you don’t leave, I’ll shove one of dad’s cucumbers up your -“
Connor: “DID SOMEONE MENTION CUCUMBERS? OH HOW I LOVE THEIR SUPPLE GREEN FLESH.”
“Dammit, I just want to finish one book! Also how the hell did dad hear that? He’s not even in the country!”
Shh. Stop pointing out the many holes in my writing.

Lily and Archer don’t exactly have a great relationship so I tried to have them improve it by mercilessly beating one another until a severe neck injury was caused.

Silliness is always a good way to improve relationships between siblings, and Lily Eve doesn’t seem to be too effected considering her head just snapped around 180 degrees. At least she is resilient, I suppose.

I noticed Mango seems to approve of the antics a little too much. Looks like the mystery of Connor’s lost cucumber has been solved!
End of Chapter 1.5

EXTRA SPECIAL SUPER BONUS.

Okay, so I wasn’t really in the mood to type all of this up and I think it probably showed because this chapter was actually quite terrible. So here is a wonderful, sexy treat for you all!

Cucumber Connor

I know. It’s almost too hot to be true, isn’t it?

MORE EXCITEMENT:

In other news, I’m currently part of an art exhibition which is super exciting! It’s been about a year and a half since my last one. If any of you are interested you can check out my photography over here as well as updates regarding the exhibit:

https://www.facebook.com/lauradarrochphotography

I also recently signed up for Pinterest. Anyone else using it? We can follow each other!

Author: janeeyreforce

http://www.facebook.com/lauradarrochphotography http://thedarrochlegacy.wordpress.com/

13 thoughts on “Chapter 1.5 – The Holy Pleasure Rocket

  1. When I first installed Generations, I was constantly being startled by IFs. They can be quite terrifying!

    I save my sims to the library, then upload them to mediafire for sharing. It works well for me, but not everyone likes mediafire. I would avoid the exchange though, only because you could bork up the game for anyone who dls your sim if you accidentally includ

    Congrats on the exhibit! I actually checked out your photography on fb just this morning, and it’s fantastic! I love it. :-) Not to mention, you’re absolutely gorgeous and I love your style. I feel like a fangirl lol

    Also, I followed you on Pinterest. I’m KNDowdy over there… and I’m done now. Have a wonderful day!

    • “accidentally included broken CC” is what that sentence was supposed to say. Oops!

    • Mediafire sounds like the best way, so once Archer and Lily Eve have aged up I’ll make the Darroch clan available for download. Actually, I may as well put Laura and Connor up now. I’ll try it out tomorrow. o:

      Ahhh, thank you so much! You bought a blush about my cheeks~

      I have followed you, too! Yay! Pintrest buddies! I had to add a few more albums because my board was coming dangerously close to being an Eva Green shrine, haha.

  2. Great update that is not terrible at all! I lol’d so much at Connor and your little drawing at then! That man and his cucumbers. Connor + cucumbers = true love. Lily Eve is very lovely, and I love her wackiness! I wouldn’t be surprised if something was living in Archer’s hair. I also loved Laura’s reaction to the pond…I can totally see her angrily throwing empty Doritos bags in there! XD

    As for uploading Sims, I used the Sims 3 Exchange to upload a couple of my legacy Sims, and it’s worked pretty well! You can do it by going into Create-A-Household and clicking the “…” button by the Sim’s pic.

    • I am so glad you found this update amusing! I was a little worried as I really wasn’t feeling it today and to me it all felt a bit forced. I guess everyone has days like that from time to time. But yes, Connor <3 Cucumbers FOREVER. ;D I was very surprised with Lily, she was quite a scary looking child but she seems to have grown into her features quite well.

      For some reason the exchange never lets me login properly. They wont accept any of my game codes, despite all of them being valid. :( I'll probably try mediafire and see how that goes.

  3. Wow! Lily grew up gorgeous! She does look like Liv Tyler. I think her fair complexion and the shape of her eyes add to it.

    Thank you for reassuring us that no fish were harmed. I don’t know if I could take it if Mango had one for a snack.

    Connor is dashing as a cucumber. I nearly wet myself when I saw. I might be exaggerating a little, but there was definitely a LOL involved.

    Finally, congrats on the exhibition! That’s awesome! I love your work. It’s haunting, but in a completely whimsical and magical way.

    • Yes, I think you hit the nail on the head! It’s definitely something about the eye shape.

      Haha, I’m glad you enjoyed Connor’s debut as a cucumber~! I admit I was giggling to myself as I made that image.

      Thank you! I’m pretty psyched about it, and thank you for the kind compliment. ‘Haunting’ is exactly what I’m aiming for with my work, so I’m glad it shows! <3

  4. Okay many things to discuss:

    Lily is very pretty. I love her hair, and her new trait (neurotic) I just found out this is what I have. I make sure before living the house that my stove is off; I check each and every bottom: “off, off, off, off, and oven off. Good.” move on to the patio doors: “locked; locked; and locked” make sure four cats are all accounted for: “pam, truky, mina and ku. Checked!” Walk out of my house lock the door, get in the car, and then fear creeps in me that I might have left the front door unlocked and so I get out of my car go to the door make sure is locked, as it always was, walk back to the car turn it on drive off the drive way and fear starts working its evil way again up in my head but I must have faith in myself that I did locked my door and like a crazy nuts went to make sure it was locked seconds after doing so. You think I’m paranoid? Ha!

    Now I’m sure I need help.

    The Harry Potter guy cracked me up, I don’t have supernatural but it seems I should get it. Funny things happen in that game, although I detest the idea of zombies crawling in my yard, that is the main reason why I don’t get it.

    The chapter was not terrible, you did a great job and I loved the treat!! Connor is also becoming one of my favorites in this legacy.

    • Oh wow, you sound just like me. I can totally empathize with the obsessive checking of electrical appliances and doors. Also, I would just like to add that I think it is awesome that you own four cats! Maaan, cats are the best. I miss mine. I would get another but my landlord would probably shit a brick or something. Yours have such cute names, too! <3

      Yessss, you must get supernatural! The zombie thing does get annoying though. I actually ended up installing a mod to lessen the chance of them showing up. Made the expansion a lot better.

      I'm glad you are also a Connor fan! He's the best~!

      • There is such a mod for that? I wonder if they will eventually come up with a mod to obliterate the appearance of zombies all together. I don’t know what was EA thinking when creating Supernatural, I have yet to see one simmer play with zombies and werewolves. Bah!

        On the subject of neuroticism; my biggest fear in life is to grow old to be a crazy nuts. I suffer from migraines, and restless legs (all day long) which in turn creates insomnia, all neurological diseases; paranoia is just an add on! Haha.
        I wonder what my state of mind will be like 30 years from now if I continue to be paranoid as I am.

      • Yup! In fact, the one I downloaded actually has the option to put the chances of zombies down to 0%. I currently have it at around 25%. You can get it from http://www.modthesims.info/. I haven’t tried out the werewolves yet either, they just look so silly! More like hairy orcs than werewolves. It’s an odd expansion really, some parts of it are downright awesome, but then there are other factors that let it down.

        Aw, but maybe you will become the good kind of crazy nuts? You know, the OAP with multicoloured hair and a motorcycle. ;D

      • Hahahahahaha, hopefully I will. In a more happy light, I picture myself as the cool granny. With lots of cats and crafts all around the patio and garden. Old furniture that is probably worth nothing just emotional value, and weird habits, not sure what those would be yet; working on it.

  5. I have to agree, Connor is stealing the show away from Laura, not that she isn’t hilarious. LOL, I <3 him. I like the pic of him wondering where his cucumber went. Hmmm…hehe

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