The Darroch Legacy

A Sims 3 Legacy blog

Chapter 1.1 – Trash gobbler

19 Comments

Meet Laura. She decided to move to Sunset Valley in order to find the inspiration and motivation to fulfill her dream of becoming an illustrious author. Prior to moving, all she did was stare blankly at her computer screen and get Dorito stains all over the keyboard. I don’t exactly have high hopes for her.
Laura’s traits are as follows:
Artistic, bookworm, clumsy, family orientated, loves the outdoors.
She prefers music with roots, her favourite food is tri-tip steak and she loves the colour red. Her star sign is cancer.

Laura figures that introducing herself to the neighbors would be a good course of action. However, none of them appear to be home so our founder reacts in the most logical way possible by rummaging through their trash and screaming. Clearly she understands the importance of a good first impression.

Continuing with her infallible social skills, this is how she decides to greet the first poor soul to come within a ten foot radius of her. Truly stunning and certainly unforgettable.

Surprisingly, Connor didn’t run screaming to the hills or kick our founder out of his house. Laura is so grateful for this rare instance of human interaction that she presents him with a beautiful bouquet of flowers wrapped in an empty Dorito’s packet. She hopes her new squeeze doesn’t notice that they were unearthed from his beautifully kept garden.

Thankfully, he accepts them without noticing the roots and earth clods still dangling from the stems, and even goes so far as to suggest that they see one another again soon. Laura is rendered speechless and decides to head home with Connor’s phone number before her luck runs out.

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Laura’s early attempts at writing are pretty awful and she eventually admits defeat. Reluctantly, she begins her search for a full-time job in order to hone her skills and set her on the correct path for penning bestsellers.
After some searching she finds out that there is an opening within the journalist career as a paper girl, with opportunities for promotions. She takes it, though not without a lot of grumbling.

Laura can’t help but feel inspired by the breathtaking view and decides to get out her previously untouched easel and start the long, most likely agonizing (for me) process of improving her painting skills.

Okay. I am genuinely a little creeped out by this picture but not for the reasons you may expect. I’m not even sure I want to share this, but…
When my little sister and I were much younger, around 7 and 10 years old, for some reason we made up this strange game called ‘Everybody loves Mary, because Mary is nice’. Basically, the game revolved around a girl called Mary who had a foot that would get longer with each panel; to clarify, we ended up making it into a badly drawn comic and I swear she looked just like the painting in this screenshot. She also married a gnome with explosive diarrhea and ate frogs but that isn’t relevant right now and I already feel like I’ve exposed too much of my fragile childhood psyche.
TL;DR: Sims can see through time.
Aaaanyway…back to the legacy.

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So the next day, Laura invites Connor over to her humble abode straight after she gets home from work. She doesn’t even bother changing out of her uniform or taking a shower, so it’s no surprise when her clumsy attempts at seduction are immediately rejected. Laura will have to try harder to net this hairiest of hairy men.

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The second time around, Laura makes more of an effort and even goes so far as to venture outside of her hovel. The two of them take a romantic stroll around the local park. Eventually, they come to a stop and the moment seems right. Ensuring there are no stray crumbs around her mouth left over from last nights rejection induced binge-fest, Laura looms in closer for a kiss and this time she doesn’t get pushed away.

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The two then spend a sickening amount of time gazing into one another’s eyes and flashing goofy smiles.
As the evening draws closer, they finally stop to take in the night sky and whisper sweet nothings to one another. ‘Hey bby touch my massive-‘
THEY ARE TOTALLY SWEET I SWEAR.

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For reasons unknown, Laura take this opportunity to brutally annihilate her new lover with her athletic prowess.

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The date seems to reach its natural conclusion once zombies decide to start clawing their way out of the ground, and Connor offers to walk Laura home in order to make sure she arrives home in one piece, as opposed to missing vital body parts.

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The date went so well (minus the zombie outbreak) that Laura decides to pop the question!

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Connor accepts, unknowingly dooming himself to a life full of dusty orange stains on the furniture and a woman who compulsively screams at trash cans.

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That same evening, Laura splurges on a double bed during a fit of passion and the two of them proceed to forget all about dong bags whilst they vigorously knock boots.

The next morning they host a small wedding on the beach close to their home, inviting just a few of their closest friends. Most of them are work colleagues with names like Cycl0n3 Sw0rd. I’m not joking.

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They’re officially hitched!
Oh, and Connor’s traits are as follows:
Artistic, computer whiz, excitable, family-orientated and friendly.
He enjoys listening to indie music, eating spaghetti and his favourite colour is blue. He is also a cancerian with the lifetime wish of becoming a creature-robot-crossbreeder.

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True to form, Laura chooses to cut the cake in the most awkward way possible by insisting to stand rigidly in one place with her arm stretched out. Eventually, the guests just scooped out portions of cake with their hands whilst the bride remained in that position for a good hour or so. Most assumed she was performing a spontaneous art installation of some kind.

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Oh yes! When Connor moved in he also bought a little kitten named Mango with him.
Mango! Such a cute name. asajaskafffff I WANT TO CRUSH HIM.

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Before the wedding party has even finished, Laura is invited to a different party taking place on another lot. Without bothering to change out of her wedding dress she heads straight over, eager to ditch the weird wedding guests, and promptly begins to make a new friend who isn’t a work colleague or a sword infused with wind magic.

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The next day Laura finds out that she’s pregnant with her first child! As you can see she is clearly glowing with unbridled joy at the prospect of becoming a mother.

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So of course upon finding out about the baby, Laura immediately initiates a pillow fight with her bestie because of course that is the first step towards a safe and healthy pregnancy.

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Mango has the right idea. In fact, he’ll be spending a lot of time under that chair.

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Connor has taken to angrily cleaning the bathroom every evening. Its become some kind of compulsion and he always looks totally out of his mind with rage when he does it.

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Laura’s pregnancy seems to pass by in a blur, and it isn’t long before the big day finally arrives! Will the baby be a boy or a girl? Will Connor get over his bathroom induced rage? Find out in the next chapter!
End of chapter 1.1

Author: janeeyreforce

http://www.facebook.com/lauradarrochphotography http://thedarrochlegacy.wordpress.com/

19 thoughts on “Chapter 1.1 – Trash gobbler

  1. Nice start! Observational legacies are my favorite! I love a founder that digs through trash, but your eloquent narrative is what really made this funny for me. :-)

  2. I LOVED this story from the moment I read: “Meet Laura…” ;)
    Great start jane!

  3. I decided to check out your legacy and I’m already glad I did! I took me a while to figure out that I really enjoy observational legacies more, so I’m happy to see that you jumped right in, and you’re funny, too! I love it already :)

    • Thank you! I’ve always been an avid reader of legacies, and I found that I tend to gravitate to humorous or observational legacies (or both), so I figured I should go down that route with my own. :D

      I’m so glad you like it! <3 I'm totally in love with yours so far~

  4. I like this, it’s interesting. :D I remember when I started off, I was soo lost hahaha.

  5. So after you liked mine I decided to check out yours and this is awesome!
    Best bit?

    “Hey bby want to touch my…”
    LOOK HOW SWEET THEY ARE.

    Thus commences the speed reading.

    • Haha, thank you! I throw caution to the wind in later chapters and get a little more crude with my humour, so I guess you have that to look forward (?) to. ;D

      Godspeed with your speed reading~!

  6. Loving this so far!! Your style is really unique and refreshing. Definitely a blog I’ll be keeping an eye on! :D

    • Ah thank you! I’m such a huge fan of your legacy, so I’m flattered! I honestly have yet to read a legacy that’s made me laugh as much as yours. I mean fucking hell my sides still hurt. What is air?

      • Haha seriously, I’m the one who’s flattered! That’s like the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. *tear* And your legacy is great! I’mma add it to my blogroll, in fact.

  7. Hey Hey! Sorry I’m late to the party, but this was freakin’ HILAROIUS, so I have to comment many months late – and I will now proceed to obsessively read until I’m caught up. Thanks for the laughs!!

  8. I found this legacy last night and went on a reading spree. Holy shit, this is hilarious. I haven’t laughed like this in while. I love all sorts of legacies, serious, funny, raunchy, dirty, you get my drift, but its been awhile since I’ve read one and laughed out loud. Mine tends to border on too serious, so it was good to sit back with yours and laugh my ass off. Laura is a hoot, I like the faces she makes.

  9. I like your style! It’s entertaining and it almost feels like you’re talking super fast! :)

  10. Found this through…I can’t remember if it was griffindork or Heather. Too many awesome legacies to ready atm. But really glad I did, this is hilarious.

    I love that Laura just decided straight away who she wanted, and pursued him until she hooked him. None of this faffing around with different suitors for her!

    Also? That pic of the fairy with the minuscule wings right after the wedding cracked me up. Oh EA, who could fly on wings like that??

    And “sword infused with wind magic” – freaking gold. I haven’t heard good old Cycl0n3 described so perfectly before.

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